Dirty Dishes | Heartbreaking Bravery

October 3, 2016

HB1000: A Step Forward (Compilation)

When I started Heartbreaking Bravery nearly three years ago, I had no intention of pursuing it as a legitimate venture. Now, 1,000 posts, 50,000+ links, and countless words later, the site’s come to be the type of platform I’ve always loved seeing in the world. I could attempt to wax poetic on the nature of personal discovery and growth that running this place has afforded me but Heartbreaking Bravery was never about a single person, it’s always functioned best as a communal entity.

The ideas that formed the basic structure of Heartbreaking Bravery all came from artists producing exceptional work with little recognition. Repeatedly watching that transaction occur proved too disheartening. Whether it was the earliest years of Tenement, the later years of Good Grief, or virtually the entire run of Sleeping in the Aviary, there were always ceaselessly talented artists surrounding me that only ever seemed to receive the slightest of nods.

Heartbreaking Bravery originally aimed — and continues to aim — to provide a more level playing field to emerging artists, without reducing their worth to financial opportunity. Heartbreaking Bravery continues to value the community and intimacy that informs the DIY music world. Heartbreaking Bravery will continue to use the platform it’s been granted to elevate the idea of greater equality.

It’s in that spirit that I’m honored to present A Step Forward, a two-volume compilation spanning 100 tracks that exclusively features artists who are connected to this site’s history. Whether that was through a long history of collaboration or something as small as a twitter follow, the impact was not lost or left unappreciated. There’s a heavy emphasis on artists residing in the cities and states Heartbreaking Bravery has called home (Stevens Point, WI and Brooklyn, NY) and a small selection of songs that were premiered on this site.

100% of the proceeds of A Step Forward will be going to Rape Victim Advocates, a non-profit Chicago-based organization that’s doing vital (and, sadly, necessary) work for survivors of sexual assault. Read more about the organization here. It’s my sincerest hope that every publication that has the privilege of visibility manages to find ways to use any of their influence for productive good and to affect positive change. Please consider donating what you can to a meaningful cause.

Finally, I wanted to express gratitude to all of the artists (and any of their teams) involved — including the inimitable Phil McAndrew, who turned in the extraordinary album art — and all of the people that have allowed, even willed, this site to the point it’s at today. It likely would have disappeared without that support and I owe those people a debt of gratitude that could never be truly repaid. A special thanks to Fred Thomas, whose “What Changes When The Costumes Come Off” was written with the specifics of A Step Forward in mind.

Enjoy the compilation, support independent art, and join me, this site, these artists, and this cause in taking A Step Forward.

Tracklist below.

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A Step Forward: Vol. 1*

1. Vacation – Caked Joy Rag (Demo)
2. Mike Krol – Neighborhood Watch (Demo)
3. Dead Stars – So Strange (Demo)
4. Mo Troper – After the Movies (Demo)
5. Fern Mayo – The Sweets (Demo)
6. Hater – Like Hours (Demo)
7. Sharkmuffin – Only Mondays (Demo)
8. Fits – Ice Cream On A Nice Day (Demo)
9. Missy – Patience (Demo)
10. Kodakrome – Skeletons (Demo)
11. Slight – Run (Demo)
12. Long Neck – Goldfinch (Demo)
13. Phyllis Ophelia – Probably Not (Demo)
14. Lever – Cure (Demo)
15. Puppy Problems – Destroyer (Demo)
16. Battle Ave. – Black Jeans (Demo)
17. Yours Are The Only Ears – Alone Bear (Demo)
18. Attendant – Some Other Language (Demo)
19. MKSEARCH – Little Song (Demo)
20. Sulky Boy – Birches (Demo)
21. Heavy Looks – Those Guys (Demo)
22. darn it. – (again) pt. II
23. Phooey! – On an On
24. Arm Candy – Big Clunker
25. DTCV – Le Vampire
26. Clearance – The Queen of Eyes
27. Leggy – I’m Gonna Destroy That Boy
28. Big Air – Hit Me in the Mouth
29. Terry Malts – Look (At the Mess That We’re In)
30. Ubetcha – Musician
31. Two Inch Astonaut – Suckers Share
32. Whelpwisher – Bucket for the Sky
33. Petite League – Magic Johnson
34. The Meltaways (ft. Kate M) – Wrong Words
35. Calumet – Indian Summer
36. Mulligrub – Little Fist
37. Ben Seretan – Stay In Touch
38. Mumblr – Friendship Stew
39. Human People – Useless Things
40. Bethlehem Steel – Florida Two
41. Painted Zeros – Sweet Briar Rose
42. Spit – Paul Westerberg
43. Crusher – Running
44. Pupppy – Stand By Me
45. Aberdeen – Once You Fall In Love
46. Tica Douglas – Enough
47. Peaer – Multiverse
48. The Weasel, Marten Fisher – What Is Love
49. Young Jesus – Mirroring
50. Space Mountain – Earthrise

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A Step Forward: Vol. II*

1. Bellows – Bank Checks
2. Cave Curse – Arcadia
3. Fred Thomas – What Changes When the Costumes Come Off
4. Apollo Vermouth – He Sees You, He Loves You
5. Green Dreams – Psychic Woes (Alternate Mix)
6. Lost Boy ? – Have You Seen My Brain (Space Cat Sessions)
7. Mikaela Davis – Pure Divine Love (Early Mix)
8. Nano Kino – Recovery (Early Mix)
9. Trophy Dad – Addison (Early Mix)
10. Alanna McArdle – Less Than (Early Mix)
11. VVHILE – Don’t Belong (Live)
12. Liam Betson – Mispronounced (Live)
13. BAG-DAD – Bruv (Live)
14. Slothrust – Keg Party (Live)
15. The Nudes – Nowhere to Be
16. Sat. Nite Duets – Cemetery Steve
17. Slanted – Fake Party
18. Patio – Gold
19. Greys – No Star
20. No Hoax – Date With Death
21. Dirty Dishes – Red Roulette
22. Yeesh – On Some Dirt
23. Pile – Cut From First Other Tape
24. Even Hand – Nightsmoke the Fuss
25. PURPLE 7 – Wise Up
26. Bad Wig – Machinehead
27. Mary Lynn – Space
28. Pleistocene – CMJ Compilation 1996
29. Color TV – Anybody’s Girl
30. Jacky Boy – Bad
31. Trust Fund – Would That Be An Adventure?
32. Good Grief – City People
33. Adir L.C. – Hangover
34. Milk Crimes – H8RZ
35. À La Mode – Total Doom
36. Inside Voices – Nomad: Begin
37. Doe – Corin
38. Kindling – Became
39. Bueno – Blown Out
40. Horse Teeth – Dark & Gloomy
41. Ron Gallo – Put the Kids to Bed
42. Sun’s Out Bummed Out – Cut All My Hair
43. Eric Slick – The Dirge
44. Fruit & Flowers – Turqoise
45. Shilpa Ray – Hymn
46. Jack – Sister System
47. Strange Ranger – Whatever You Say
48. Johanna Warren – A Bird in the Crocodile’s Mouth
49. Oceanator – Nowhere Nothing
50. Fresh Snow – Eat Me In St. Louis (Bryan W. Bray – Eaten by the Cetacean Mix)

Vol. I

Tracks 1-21: Demos
Tracks 22-50: New Songs

Vol. II

Tracks 1-4: New Songs (cont’d)
Tracks 5-14: Alternate Mixes and Live Songs
Tracks 15-49: Old Favorites
Track 50: Remix

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August 25, 2016

Dirty Dishes – Lackluster (Music Video)

In the opening days of this week, there has been a bounty of impressive streams from the likes of Hot Shorts, Clearance, Johanna Warren, No Nets, The Glazzies, Phyllis Ophelia, Vexx, Black Thumb, Scott & Charlene’s Wedding, No Age, Teenage Fanclub, Ulrika Spacek, Fond Han, Holy Sons, The Black Black, Wovenhand, Richard Edwards, Crying, Dan Edmonds, Orchin, Infinity Crush, Flock of Dimes, Sharon Van Etten, Delicate Steve, Computer Magic, Power Animal, Lowly, Miracle Sweepstakes, Lilac Daze, J&L Defer, John Travoltage, Smokey Brights, Elijah Ford, Brother Moses, Inner Oceans, and Slaughter Beach, Dog.

While all of those deserve all of the listens they’ll inevitably receive (and likely many more), this post’s featured spot falls to one of last year’s most intriguing breakout acts: Dirty Dishes. The project of Jenny Tuite, Dirty Dishes garnered a sizable amount of acclaim for the astonishing Guilty, a brooding record full of sharp-edged post-punk. More than a full year after its release, Guilty‘s retained a significant amount of bite, which winds up lending to the vitality of the recently released clip for “Lackluster”, one of the record’s many highlights.

“Lackluster” coaxes maximum impact out of a minimal setup. The majority of the video consists of psychedelic projection overlays that are intercut with footage of Tuite performing the song in front of that backdrop. In conjuring up an effectively eerie atmosphere — one that’s furthered by the decision to transition between straight-ahead shots and spliced-in close-up footage of the backdrop and what appear to be some outside sources — the clip manages to elevate the song (and vice versa).

Everything here, all of the subtle effects and edits, the song, the pacing, the dynamic approach of the structure itself, work in tandem to create something unforgettable and wholly hypnotic. It’s a masterclass in DIY artistry and a gripping reminder of Guilty‘s staggering power. Jump into the waters and get lost to the waves.

Watch “Lackluster” below and pick up Guilty here.

March 3, 2016

2016: The First Two Months (Streams)

Littler

Now that the 2015 edition of A Year’s Worth of Memories has officially wrapped, it’s time to dive headfirst into 2016. There’s been a long delay in posting due to all of the recurring series and, simply, covering the volume of what’s been released in January, February, and the first few days of March. It’s precisely because of the jaw-dropping amount of material that the next few posts on this site will merely be a collection of links. Since it’d be humanly impossible to get through even a large chunk of this in one setting, it may be best to just bookmark this page and peruse the below list at your own leisure. After all of the single stream, full stream, and music video links lists are up, the focus will shift to a handful of standout releases. Once that’s all been said and done, Heartbreaking Bravery will resume operations as normal.

Explore some of 2015’s excellent early offerings below.

Yuck – Cannonball || Yucky Duster – Seashell Song || Hovvdy – Problem || Skaters – Head On to Nowhere || Lost Film – Still Youth || Robert Pollard – My Daughter Yes She Knows || Horse Jumper of Love – Bagel Breath || The Pooches – Heart Attack || Lou Doillon – Where To Start || Martha Ffion – Wallflower || Pity Sex – Bonhomie || Brittany Costa – Harbor || Self Defense Family – In Those Dark Satanic Mills || Kane Strang – Things Are Never Simple || Nothing – Vertigo Flowers || Gun Outfit – Make Me Promise || Summer Flake – Wine Won’t Wash Away || Ladada – New Psych || Alex Napping – Trembles Part II || Hit Bargain – The Circuits That Cannot Be Cut || Hard Girls – Dulcet Tones || Sioux Falls – Dinosaur Dying || Fake Laugh – Mind Tricks || Mind Spiders – Running || Arbor Labor Union – Radiant Mountain Road || Parakeet – Sugar Rush || John Dillon – The Fox || Littler – Of Wandering || Grayling – Bidding War

The Raveonettes – Run Mascara Run || Horse Jumper of Love – Ugly Brunette || Pinemen – Predictions || High Waisted – Door || Neighbors – Angel O || Waxahatchee – With You || ROMP – Backfire || The So So Glos – Dancing Industry || Littler – Phantom Limb || Gun Outfit – Expansion Pact || Bambara – All the Ugly Things || Miserable – Oven || Witching Waves – Flowers || Fucko – Best Little Something in Somewhere || Mind Spiders – Cold || Littler – Slippery || Journalism – Everywhere I Look || Carey – Hey Caty || Plastic Flowers – Diver || A Dead Forest Index – No Paths || Japanese Breakfast – Everybody Wants To Love You || Drug Pizza – No Reaction || Music Band – Day Stealer || Alma Elste – Limitless || Field Report – Your Friend Tia || Bad Cop – Ain’t From Here || Gun Outfit – King of Hearts || Agent Blå – Frustrerad || Jennifer O’Connor – It’s A Lie || Takénobu – Curtain Call

Låpsley – Cliff || The Thermals – Hey You || Frankie Cosmos – Sinister || Mothers – Coppermines || Operators – Cold Light || Wire – Nocturnal Koreans || Steady Holiday – No Matter || La Sera – I Need An Angel || Jackson Whalan & Jules Jenssen – Home Again || Japanese Breakfast – In Heaven || Caveman – Never Going Back || Beat Awfuls – You’re Not Gonna Love Me Anymore || Guerilla Toss – Diamond Girls || Brass Bed – Be Anything || Sunflower Bean – Easier Said || Snow Roller – Too Good || Doug Tuttle – It Calls On Me || Frances Cone – Arizona || Abi Reimold – Vessel || Twin River – Antony || Beach Baby – Sleeperhead || Aleyska – Everglow || John Congleton and the Nighty Nite – Until It Goes || Great Pagans – Call of the Void || ROMP – Avoiding Boys || Mike Bell & the Movies – Fucked If You Do || Heron Oblivion – Your Hollows || Tiger Army – Prisoner of the Night

Eagulls – My Life In Rewind || Courtney Barnett – Three Packs A Day || David Vassalotti – Ines De Castro || Baby Birds Don’t Drink Milk – Don’t Wanna Fall In Love || Guerilla Toss – Grass Shack || Sorority Noise – Either Way || Spookyland – God’s Eyes || Jennifer O’Connor – Black Sky || Chumped – Not the One || Florist – A Hospital + Crucifix Made of Plastic || John Congleton & the Nighty Nite – Your Temporary Custodian || Andrew Bird (ft. Fiona Apple) – Left Handed Kisses || The Thermals – My Heart Went Cold || Summer Flake – Shoot and Score || Quilt – Roller || Space Raft – Mountain || What Moon Things – Party Down the Street || Soar – Speak Write || B Boys – Get A Grip || Beach Skulls – Santa Fe || Rolling Blackouts C.F. – Write Back || Yndi Halda – Together Those Leaves || Amber Arcades – Right Now || Mára – Surfacing || Nai Harvest – Just Like You || Tim Woulfe – Be Clarity

Operator – Bebop Radiohaus || Abi Reimold – Sugar || Sarah Neufeld – Where The Light Comes In || Ali Beletic – Stone Fox || Dunes – Runner || DTCV – Bourgeois Pop || Gladiola – The Uninvited Guest || Earl Sweatshirt – Wind In My Sails || Wavves x Cloud Nothings – I Find || Soda – Blonde On Blonde || The Dead Ships – Company Line || Pkew Pkew Pkew – Mid 20’s Skateboarder || Gioia – Circling || Tangerine – Sunset || Mrs Magician – Forgiveness || Acid Dad – Don’t Get Taken || Summer Cannibals – Go Home || B Boys – Seagulls || David Vassalotti – Broken Rope || The Coathangers – Nosebleed Weekend || Fucko – Buzz || Ulrika Spacek – Beta Male || Alexei Shishkin – Yucca Street || Day Wave – Stuck || Ashley Shadow – Tonight || Journalism – Faces || The Hanged Man – Invisible Tree || Sofia Hardig – Sitting Still || VHS – Wheelchair || Phosphene – Silver || The Castillians – Come What May

Kidsmoke – Cut Yourself Loose || Future of the Left – The Limits of Battleships || Woodes – Daggers & Knives || Dusk – When Sleep Washes Over || Sheer Mag – Can’t Stop Fighting || Murena Murena – Lovely Homes || Woods – Can’t See At All || case/lang/veirs – Atomic Number || Eagulls – Lemontrees || Crater – Summer Skin || Flowers – Bitter Pill || Cat’s Eyes – Chameleon Queen || Pity Sex – Burden You || Tiny Deaths – The Gardener || Journalism – Watching and Waiting || The Middle Infield – Shadow || Kyle Forester – Won’t Go Crazy || Dark Blue – Vicious Romance || Grubby Little Hands – No Such Thing || Wussy – Dropping Houses || Jo Passed – Lego My Ego || Frightened Rabbit – Death Dream || Bombay Harabee – Interval || Fear of Men – Fall Forever Island || Fleurie – Sirens || Kane Strang – Full Moon, Hungry Sun || Kindness – A Retelling || Nothing Works – Dark Musick

Risley – Kill the Clock || Anna Meredith – Taken || ROMP – Last Year || Yikes – Thought You’d Stay || Chirping – Corona || Keeps – Let It Fall (Keeping Time) || Sound of Ceres – Dagger Only Run || Mike Newman – Vinny || Beverly – Victoria || Dirty Dishes – All of Me || Raury (ft. Take A Daytrip) – Home || Shonen Knife – Jump Into the New World || Head Wound City – Scraper || James Supercave – Burn || Shitkid – Oh Please Be A Cocky Cool Kid || Moderat – Reminder || Avante Black – Imaginary Love || Sonya Kitchell – Follow Me In || Charlie Hilton – Funny Anyway || Explosions in the Sky – Disintegration Anxiety || The Raveonettes – The World Is Empty (Without You) || Tinted Sun – Only One || Zula – Not the Same || Nicholas Krgovich – Written in the Wind || Slingshot Dakota – Paycheck || Day Wave – Gone || Matt Kivel – Violets || The Body – Hallow/Hollow || Future of the Left – If AT&T Drank Tea What Would BP Do? || Wintersleep – Santa Fe || Pop. 1280 – Chromidia || Gladiola – Greatest Hits || Sean Lennon – Demon Daughter || Acid Dad – Fool’s Gold

I’m An Island – Vitamin D || Night Moves – Carl Sagan || Phosphene – Be Mine || Risley – Warpaint On || Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy – Rich Wife Full of Happiness || Cross Record – Basket || Ashley Shadow – Tonight || Francis – Turning A Hand || Delta Will – A Dream || Dam Gila – What Fire || Nap Eyes – Lion In Chains || Scott Yoder – Looking Back In Blue || Holy Esque – Tear || Rob Crow – Oh, the Sadmakers || Whitney – No Woman || Marissa Nadler – Janie In Love || Teen Suicide – The Stomach of the Earth || Benny Boeldt – Valley Amnesia || Vandaveer – A Little Time Off Ahead || The Cradle – The Screen of Skin || James Bishop – Tailspin || Inner Space Orchestra – One Way Glass || Mirror Travel – Yesca || Two People – Fading || Hundred Waters – Forgive Me For Giving Up || Jaill – Paint Me Scary || Ryley Walker & Charles Rumback – Dhoodan || Scott Yoder – Silver Boy || Body Origami – Bright Hunger

Slingshot Dakota – Lewlyweds || Flower – Deadly Ill || TEEN – Please || Mavis Staples – Dedicated || Relick – Offering || Alpenglow – Solitude || Nathaniel Bellows (ft. Timo Andres) – It Never Ends || Say No! To Architecture – Wieder’s Floor || Chelsea Wolfe – Hypnos || M. Ward – Confession || Geddy D (ft. Darius Minwalla) – For You This Fall || Morly – The Choir || Turnover – Humblest Pleasures || Weird Dreams – The Ladder || Jo Passed – No, Joy (I’m Not Real, Girl) || RJD2 – Peace of What || Bill Eberle – Too Late To Take It Back || Those Pretty Wrongs – Ordinary || Still Parade – Walk in the Park || No Side – AM Revised || Hayden Calnin – Cut Love || Inspired & the Sleep – Die Slow || Pined – Wray || Copperfox – Feel in the Void || Michael Nau – While You Stand By || Laura Gibs0n – The Cause || Say No! To Architecture – Cocaine, Eh || Tangerine – Tender || Chambers – Yeagin Shone

Melaena Cadiz – California || Andy Ferro – Crystal Tongue || Nap Eyes – Roll It || Violent Soho – Viceroy || Jon Patrick Walker – Hideous Monster || Bat For Lashes – I Do || Andy Ferro – Sugar and Milk || Naps – Social Skills || Los Angeles Police Dept. – Hard || Sound of Ceres – Hand Of Winter || Pillow Talk – Monogamy (Demo) || RJD2 – The Sheboygan Left || Andy Ferro – Hood || Proud Parents – Saab Story || Muncie Girls – Balloon || Carter Tanton (ft. Sharon Van Etten) – Twenty-Nine Palms || Ghost Riders – Rolla Olak || Death Grips – Hot Head || CFM – Purple Spine || Human People – In My Speakers || Kevin Garrett – Refuse || Iska Dhaaf – Invisible Cities || Chris Maxwell – Arkansas Summer || Step Sisters – Vox Pop || Bianca Casady – Daisy Chain || Ship Thieves – Undertakers || South of France – Washed Up || Dear Boy – Local Roses || Lontalius – It’s Not Love || Merival – Kicking You Out

DJDS – I Don’t Love You || The Sherlocks – Last Night || Wanderwild – Optimist || Soft Fangs – Birthday || Anenon – Once || My Golden Calf – Young Pioneers || Drowners – Cruel Ways || Darla and the Love – End of the Party || Minotaurs – Stayed Too Long || The Flats – Machinery || Lust For Youth – Sudden Ambitions || Chris Storrow – A True Christian || The Bulls – Prudence || The Gills – Gimme Gimme || Lust For Youth – Stardom || Lionlimb – Just Because || Sonya Kitchell – Hurricane || Wet – All the Ways || Public Memory – Ringleader || Eric Bachmann – Mercy || James Blake – Modern Soul || Soft Fangs – The Wilderness || Reed Turchi – Offamymind || Yonaka – Ignorance || Public Memory – Zig Zag || Henrietta – Arrows || Shirlette Ammons (ft. Amelia Meath) – Aviator || Gideon Benson – Talk Talk

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February 3, 2016

2015: A Year’s Worth of Memories (Lindsay Hazen)

lhzn

When I started Heartbreaking Bravery, its sole intent was to spotlight important voices that weren’t being granted the exposure they deserved. While in the early stages, it primarily featured songwriters, it evolved to include filmmakers, and then — finally — other writers. Anytime I made a new discovery, it gave me a surge of hope for the years to come. Even as some of these roles — especially that of the writer — grew more thankless, it was inspirational to see people who were willing to kick back against an intimidating current. After more than two years of meticulously combing through just about every resource I had to identify emerging talent, I still wasn’t adequately prepared for the pieces Lindsay Hazen was quietly turning in on her personal tumblr. Long-form essays on streaming platforms, deeply personal asides, critical dissections of movements and geographical circumstance; everything I read blew me away. It’s a sincere honor to be publishing her writing on this site and the piece she’s turned in may be her most definitive to date. Below, she explores her diagnosis, the artists that brought her joy and comfort, and the general shape of her 2015. Dive in and give her work a look whenever and wherever it surfaces.

When I think about 2015, I get overwhelmed. It was a year marked by unmanageability, the sheer amount of events, information, and media unable to be synthesized, catalogued and understood in any satisfying way. My year started off memorizing the lyrics of Colleen Green’s “Pay Attention“, a song which takes up an attitude of assertive indifference to her attention deficiency. As someone whose lifelong fight not to doze off/get lost in the middle of conversations (and lectures, and my own sentences…) is an endless cause of anxiety, it’s such a relief to be able to embrace two and a half minutes of a right for my absent-minded brain to exist in the world, even to the point of sitting in judgement of others.

Whenever I listen to it, “Small talk on the bus, wondering how do some people talk so much/ Small talk at The Smell, talk so small you’d need a microscope to discern much at all,” I hear an echo of “Psycho Killer“, “You start a conversation, you can’t even finish it/You’re talking a lot but you’re not saying anything/ When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed/Say something once, why say it again?”

It’s ending sort of like it began, anxious and cold. But on a cold December day, I weep quietly to Modern Baseball’s “The Waterboy Returns“. It comes on on my iPod, on the bus, and I run my thumb across the crack in the screen incessantly. I’ve never successfully made it through the song without crying and this is no exception. The first time I heard it, I sobbed hard and loud; now I just turn to the window and let the emotion wash over me, trying to catch my tears on my knuckles as they slip out past my glasses.

2015 was made up of moments like this. Being backpacked in the face by an aggressive guy at a Speedy Ortiz show, only to have them start a hotline just weeks later for people who feel unsafe at their shows. The way the stage lights at the Hard Luck Bar looked through eyes, brimming with tears, as I watched Sorority Noise perform “Using“, hearing the song for the first time. I didn’t cry then, blinked it away. I wonder if this is how normal people always feel. Accepted, joyous, okay. Among people who understand them.

Not drinking alcohol anymore because it’s disastrous for my anxiety, and spending the minutes between each band’s set admiring how brave the girls are at the show – an all ages affair. These teenage punks, eyes lined with black and bags covered in patches and buttons. So grateful that these girls have a place where they could yell and scream and jump; so in awe of how they held their own in a sea of giant men – at 24, I’m just learning to do the same.

The Sorority Noise record was my favourite of the year. I spent a lot of time in the early months of the year shouting songs off their 2014 effort Forgettable in the shower. The anticipation I felt for Joy, Departed was such an integral part of my year. Maybe it’s because it paid off, a powerful and direct series of emotional appeals that oscillate between soaring and slow-burning – sometimes within the same track.

It’s a record that dropped right as I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to stay in the city, just as I had to move away from my friends and my education and my life. It’s a record that I hope one day stands as a classic in the canon of art that explores man vs. self. It is certainly an album which elucidated many thoughts I had about my own mental illness, and led to my being able to develop coping mechanisms for the first time since my diagnosis. I still get a lump in my throat when I hear, “maybe I’m my own greatest fear/ maybe I’m too scared to admit that/ I might not be as dark as I think.”

Next to Joy, Departed, the record that had the most impact on me this year was Krill’s A Distant Fist Unclenching. Where Sorority Noise’s songs felt like the slow blossom of hope in my chest, a hand reaching out to pull me away from all the things I’ve done to myself and my life, Krill songs are like the first fidget coming out of stasis. All of the angles and dissonant reaches.

I can’t think of a song in the world I identify with more than “Brain Problem“, the drums skipping along like arrhythmia and the lyrics part confession and part prayer. Before listening to Krill I didn’t think of there being a separation between my mental illness and my self. Krill gave me a sense of personhood that I was starting to be too jaded to believe I would find in music anymore. I won’t go on because they’ve been eulogized, praised and parsed by minds much finer than mine.

Everything Everything released my favourite pop album of the year, a dystopian rock opera continuing a loose narrative they introduced in the post-apocalyptic banger “My Kz, Ur Bf” a few years ago. Get To Heaven is an album that lets you revel in the sheer amount of evidence that you are the problem, because people are the problem, and we have let the world end around us – and are nostalgic for the way it happened all the same. “Take me to the distant past,” “Did you imagine it in a different way,” “Keep on rubbernecking, yeah, whatever feels familiar.”

There’s been a few difference thinkpieces on the increased awareness/acknowledgement of mental illness in music this year and I listened to a lot of music this year for aforementioned therapeutic/self-help kind of reasons. But, holy hell is it ever lovely to put on Get To Heaven and live in the world that Higgs and company have created – to feel a universalized misery and to find a narrative, to find humour and grand tragedy that leads to a greater sense of catharsis.

There were also a million punk/rock albums by women that just kicked my ass. The Speedy Ortiz record, the Palehound record, Dirty Dishes, Bully, Chelsea Wolfe, Marriages, G.L.O.S.S., The Lonely Parade, not to mention the valiant return of Sleater-Kinney. I don’t know why it’s harder for me to write about these records, or even to speak about them. I push them on others with half-formed sentences, gushing about something that escapes me.

I tell them about the loss and longing in the first moments of “Red Roulette“, and about how I woke up early one morning in August to sit in the backyard just after sunrise and listen to Abyss in full – how the record that reveled in so much lush darkness was somehow even more beautiful in sunlight so bright you could barely open your eyes. I tell the producer/songsmith at my work about how in my most anxious moments I scream along with the G.L.O.S.S demo because of what I can only term as its inclusive alienation. It is a record that feels made for moments when I feel alone and afraid in my house and in my skin. It is a reclamation of the space around me.

I guess the last big thing of the year for me was spending two months with Smokes’ debut, Zone Eater. It opens with the absolutely cutting lyric, “I know I need to evolve instead of revolving,” on “Dead Hand” and repeats into the chorus, continuing, “I need to evaporate, but I’m still devolving.” There’s a detectable desperation, in Nick Maas’ voice and echoed in both the guitar and violin that suggests a critical mass, a return of Saturn, a day that you make a choice and you don’t look back – the record is full of this feeling. Of looking into the face of nihilism and deciding to just fucking leap into being who you want to be.

It makes sense, I learned in reading the press surrounding the record that the second song on the record, “Lemonlime“, is a coming out song. It might just have ended up my favourite song of the year. “I used to be a mind among machines, now I’m a timebomb wearing tight jeans/I was a clock but I couldn’t tell time, but I can tell a lemon from a fucking lime.” “Now I’m a shark, and I still can’t tell time, but I can tell a lemon from a fucking lime.” “I’ve lost all my baby teeth, so what you see is what you’re going to get with me.” “I’m a fucking shark, I eat what I want.” I moved back to the East Coast – I still don’t know whether it was a good decision but “Lemonlime” is the song that made me stop worrying about it.

I finally acknowledged the loss of my own metaphorical baby teeth. Their early single “Body Heat” is on the record, and it’s the one that hooked me. It’s a cinematic song made for walking through the busy streets and feeling everyone move past you like a blur – the violin, fiddle-like, a soundtrack fit for a hero walking into the sunset. ‘’For once in your fucking life, wear your heart like body heat.” There’s a rawness to the emotion on this record that runs right through, even the most starkly Canadian indie music tendencies don’t obscure the boiling blood contained within. And there are songs like “Snakeskin,” that bypass all of that and head right for a heartland that falls somewhere between L’Acadie and Rasputina territory, thrilling and chilling me.

I guess to me, being overwhelmed by music was a welcome distraction from all of the other things that overwhelmed me. The music of 2015 reminded me of all the excitement and enthusiasm and effusiveness with which I loved music as a teenager. I felt so profoundly grateful for music this year. I guess that’s the place that I should leave off – knowing that the music I listened to this year helped me to rediscover the parts of my brain that I liked, helped me to realize that depression hasn’t taken away my ability to feel grateful and fulfilled. I slip out of the imposter syndrome that has cloaked me and all my decisions in doubt and though I stand about as tall as a concrete foundation, I have all of these songs; these melodies; these lyrics; these memories on which to build some fucked up, crazy, beautiful life in the coming year.

-Lindsay Hazen

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December 27, 2015

2015: A Visual Retrospective, Vol. 7

PWR BTTM I

Throughout the course of 2015 I’ve been fortunate enough to attend upwards of 100 shows, festivals big and small, and spend approximately half a year living in a city that hosted a mind-boggling amount of quality shows on a nightly basis. To that end, it’s probably unsurprising that I wound up taking over 10,000 photos this year alone. Over the course of the next few days, this site will be running seven volumes of the shots that stood out as personal favorites, whether that was due to their composition, sentimental attachment, or an intangible emotional or intellectual response. It’s been an honor to be able to take even the smallest part in the ongoing sagas of the artists in the photographs below and an additional thanks is due to the venues that allowed me to shoot (as well as the people who encouraged me to keep shooting).

The preceding galleries can be accessed via these links:

2015: A Visual Retrospective, Vol. 1
2015: A Visual Retrospective, Vol. 2
2015: A Visual Retrospective, Vol. 3
2015: A Visual Retrospective, Vol. 4
2015: A Visual Retrospective, Vol. 5
2015: A Visual Retrospective, Vol. 6

Enjoy the gallery.

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December 26, 2015

2015: A Visual Retrospective, Vol. 4

Car Seat Headrest

Enjoy the gallery.

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December 26, 2015

2015: A Visual Retrospective, Vol. 1

Enjoy the gallery.

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October 24, 2015

CMJ: Day 4 (Pictorial Review)

With the first two galleries now up and running, the night continues on with the third. On the fourth official day of CMJ, once again, videos of the bands were posted shortly after the official review went live. Rounding everything out is this photo gallery. Enjoy.

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October 21, 2015

Watch This: Vol. 100

Over the past 100 weeks, this site’s dedicated itself to a variety of pursuits but the defining one seems to be the only recurring series that operates on a regular basis: Watch This. Ever since the first installment, this series has featured the very best live performance captures. Utilizing a wealth of resources that range from band’s personal accounts to radio stations that host high-quality session captures, like KEXP in Seattle or 3voor12 in the Netherlands.

Very rarely has that gaze turned inward, despite producing over 300 live videos in the past four months. With this series now at a landmark number and all of the CMJ reviews accounted for, it seemed appropriate to bypass the outside sources to focus exclusively on the crop of videos that was taken over the past week. Approximately 50 bands, 90 videos, and 100 songs, these clips will be presented in groupings according to which day they were filmed. A few slip out of focus, some start a little late, and some cut off just before their ending, and a few bands are missing due to unfortunate and/or unforeseen circumstance (a dead battery, lighting, and a maxed out sd card were the three most prominent issues) but as a whole, it’s a comprehensive look at the kinds of performances the festival has to offer. So, as always, sit back, relax, ignore any worries, adjust the volume, focus up, and Watch This.

1. CMJ: Day 2

To make things just a touch easier, each of these introductory segments will simply be a very brief recap including a link to the respective day’s official review and the list of artists that appear in the video. Having spent the first official day of CMJ preparing for the rest of the week, the timeline’s off by a day but had this been the first official day, the festival would have kicked off with a band. Splitting time between The Cake Shop and Santos Party House, I managed to get videos of performances from the following artists: Worriers, Hooton Tennis Club, Car Seat Headrest, Seratones, Nico Yaryan, Yung, Shopping, Protomartyr, Downtown Boys, Perfect Pussy, and Dilly Dally. The official review of the day’s events can be found here.

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2. CMJ: Day 3

Things kept moving along quickly on the second day, which included a long stretch at an early show over at Rough Trade before taking a brief pause to organize that show’s footage and prepare for the late show at Aviv. Between the two venues, the lineup was characteristically stacked and led to videos of performances from Shopping, Ezra Furman, Georgia, John Grant, What Moon Things, Mumblr, Meat Wave, Painted Zeros, Turn To Crime, and Yvette. The official review of the day’s shows can be found here.

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3. CMJ: Day 4

The festival’s exhausting nature started to creeping in on the third consecutive day of showgoing, though the deliriousness will always be worth the effort in the case of celebrating things like Exploding In Sound (who themselves were celebrating their fourth anniversary), Big Ups (who were celebrating their fifth year as a band), and Double Double Whammy. Once again splitting time between two venues– Palisades and The Silent Barn– I managed to get footage of performances from Leapling, Swings, Mal Devisa (backed by Swings), Dirty Dishes, Kal Marks, Washer, Stove, Palm, Greys, The Spirit of the Beehive, Big Ups, Palehound, Downies, Eskimeaux, and LVL UP. The official review of those events can be read here.

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4. CMJ: Day 5

Easily the most exhausting of the five day stretch, the fifth official day of the festival found me completely ignoring food in favor of sprinting a mile to catch one of my favorite acts four times over. While a fraction of the day was spent running to and from an official CMJ showcase and the AdHoc Carwash (which was detached from the festival completely but boasted one of the week’s strongest lineups), the effort proved to be worthwhile, as a large collection of bands delivered knockout sets and everything culminated in a triumphant moment for one of my closest friends. In all the back-and-forth, I was still able to manage to capture performances from the following artists: Protomartyr, Potty Mouth, Pity Sex, Dilly Dally, LVL UP, Porches., Perfect Pussy, Meat Wave, Mothers, and Cloud Castle Lake. The review of that day of relative mania can be read here.

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5. CMJ: Day 6

Despite the festival’s posted end date being the October 17, this collaborative showcase a day later between Father/Daughter and Miscreant was still billed as a part of the festival and felt like an appropriate epilogue; a summation of what’d come before and a fitting end-cap for a very strong run. Confined to just one venue, the sleep deprivation caused me to miss the first trio of acts (and quietly curse myself out for doing so in the process) but still show up in time for the final 10. On the final day of reckoning, I captured videos of performances from the following artists: i tried to run away when i was 6, Downies, Romp, Comfy, Vagabon, fern mayo, Bethlehem Steel, Diet Cig, Sports, and PWR BTTM. The official review of the festival’s final event can be read here.

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October 20, 2015

CMJ: Day 4 Review

With the fourth day of CMJ kicking off and the level of work required to keep up with the festival starting to take its toll, I slept through the alarm clock I had set to ensure I could catch LVL UP‘s early set at Palisades to kick off Exploding In Sound’s joint CMJ showcase and fourth birthday celebration. Running in just after the band had torn down left a sinking feeling that was quickly replaced with contentment as the Leapling project found its stride in a (mostly) solo set– the bassist from Dirty Dishes joined in on two songs– of gentle pop songs. Despite missing LVL UP, it was a wonderful way to sink into the day’s proceedings.

Flagland took a while to set up but even that couldn’t match the ambition or length of their new songs, which feel like a collection of fully-realized micro-punk songs condensed into a long-running, coherent whole. All of the songs the band was testing out were rooted in their dynamics and exceeded 10 minutes in length, finding intriguing ways to bridge the gaps between sections that were frequently radically different from each other, despite being housed in the same structure. Look out for their upcoming record because it’ll be one of the more fascinating releases of whatever time it arrives.

Swings, who have down-scaled their quiet aggression into something more quiet and moody offered up a set that acted as an epilogue of sorts to Flagland’s bold madness. They cycled through songs that felt tranquil but never uninteresting. Retaining the sense of mystery that made them so compelling to begin with, the band sounded confident and looked relaxed. They also provided one of the day’s most unexpected highlights by bringing out their current tourmate, Mal Devisa, to perform one of her numbers with the band backing her and Devisa delivered in full, giving a commanding one-song performance that drew what may have been the day’s loudest applause.

Dirty Dishes and Kal Marks played next, each offering different takes on off-kilter post-punk with grunge and shoegaze influences. The former opted to go the more serene route (while still making room for a few fiery moments) to tremendous effect while the latter dug deep into the sludgy darkness that permeates both genres when they’re at their most menacing. Back to back, it was an extraordinarily effective combination that established a sense of building momentum, which is a feat that a lot of lineups aim for but few ever accomplish. Both bands tested out new songs and each act had the audience’s attention held rapt. One practiced finesse while the other embraced chaos, acting as an intriguing sign of things to come.

Following Kal Marks’ explosive performance was another pairing, this one even more pragmatic: Washer and Stove. While the former’s been subsumed by the latter, they’re still their own project and have a genuinely great set of songs scheduled for release in early 2016. The vast majority of their set stuck to the new material, which is easily some of the duo’s best, while still making room for a few crowd favorites. After technical problems killed off Steve Hartlett’s guest solo towards the end of Washer’s set, he was joined by the last remaining member of Stove to lead Washer through their final songs as a quarter before they all took a break and reassembled for a Stove set.

Ostensibly a slight continuation of Hartlett’s previous project, Ovlov, his current one is making some serious moves. Even before Is Stupider‘s release, it’s clear that Stove’s harboring some of Hartlett’s career best-work and that the project contains, and is surrounded by, people who genuinely believe in this music. Crafting towering anthems of damaged hope and unwavering resiliency, it’s hard not to fiercely connect to what’s happening here, which is beginning to feel downright vital. “Wet Food“, the project’s current calling card, is one of the year’s finest songs and its best qualities are only amplified live, cultivating an unforgettable feeling of near-transcendence every time it hits (it’s one of the few songs that’s given me chills in a live setting on more than one occasion). Closing with a monstrous number that has an exhilarating outro section that stretches into forever, it’s difficult to think that this band doesn’t have huge things waiting for it, just around the wing.

Palm continued their massive 2015, which has seen them carve out a massively respected name for themselves, with another set of enviable musicianship and tight-knit chemistry. All of the band’s songs are puzzles with interlocking pieces that tend to immediately swivel into something genuinely unexpected and occasionally jarring (in the best way possible).

That kind of commitment to excessively complicated craft often leaves the players fairly confined so the transition from Palm to Greys was a startling– but welcome– one. Greys are one of the single most energetic live bands playing out on the circuit and they brought every inch of that inspired fervor to the Palisades stage where they ripped through a career-spanning set with reckless abandon, including a brand new song (“We wrote this like two days ago”, quipped guitarist/vocalist Shehzaad Jiwani) that sounded incredibly promising. It was a characteristically ferocious set that went a long way in proving that the band’s far from done.

The Spirit of the Beehive and Big Ups followed Greys, each bringing their own brand of manic energy to the Palisades stage. The Spirit of the Beehive, a five-piece, dipped into a raucous set of slacker pop songs with a surprising amount of emotion and nuance, while taking the volume back up to punishing levels. Stretching over their limited but enviable catalog, it was an extraordinary set from an act that still doesn’t seem to be getting the attention they genuinely deserve.

Big Ups, however, have been picking up plenty of attention and that focus is warranted. The band’s one of the best live acts in a city overflowing with bands trying to stake a claim to that throne but falling excessively short of Big Ups at their worst. Thankfully, that was far from the case here which saw Big Ups celebrating their own anniversary and pulling out one of the most blistering sets of the night, once again reminding everyone of their curious power.

Another act having a career-making year, Palehound, closed out the showcase with a set that prominently featured this year’s excellent Dry Food. As a few people were quick to point out, the band was playing as a trio and not as a quartet as the previous incantation of the band had been. Regardless, Ellen Kempner led her band through a set of songs that definitely managed to make an impression. Impressive musicianship abounded and the band landed every one of their blows, providing the showcase with a graceful exit.

As soon as Palehound’s set wrapped, despite not having eaten or drank anything for approximately 16 hours, I ran over to Silent Barn to catch the remainder of the Double Double Whammy showcase and got there just a song or two into what proved to be another memorable Downies set. The band, made up of various members from other great bands, was in fine form and playing with the sort of intensity you’d expect from a band that cites Radioactivity (and The Marked Men, by extension) as one of its bigger influences. Closing things out with a monumental track from their forthcoming LP, the band left the audience dancing and hungry for more.

Eskimeaux, playing out with a new bassist, quickly sated their appetites with another spellbinding set comprised of songs from O.K., which may very well be this year’s best record. Playing with their usual amount of grace, the band connected to their audience with ease, serenading them with tales of personal longing and unspeakable loss. Through it all, guitarist/vocalist Gabrielle Smith stayed the project’s centerpiece, striking a commanding presence that always felt welcoming rather than imposing, like a warm embrace from an old friend. In that near-familial sense, Eskimeaux succeeded in playing up the communal aspects of the recently re-opened Silent Barn to heartwarming effect. Before stepping off the stage, it was abundantly clear that everyone in the audience was on her side.

Capping the day’s events off was another incredibly strong set from LVL UP, half of which run Double Double Whammy, to an adoring crowd that was clearly there to show their support for everything the band’s done. After missing them at the very start of the day, catching them closing thing down only managed to bolster an already pervasive feeling of triumph. Tearing through their discography with gleeful determination, the band led a sizable late-night crowd in massive singalongs, and affirmed their love by delivering one of the day’s most memorable sets. It was yet another perfect ending to a day that offered absolutely no reprieve. Was it worth the effort? Absolutely.

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Tag: Dirty Dishes