Hardcore | Heartbreaking Bravery

March 13, 2014

Perfect Pussy – Say Yes to Love (Album Review)

At this point, no artist has earned as many mentions on Heartbreaking Bravery as Perfect Pussy. They’ve been such an influence on this space that I’ve made my peace with breaking Heartbreaking Bravery’s no first-person narrative rule when it comes to them for coverage. They’ve had a deeply personal impact and it’s not something that I take for granted. As both payback to them and as a kindness, when something as major as Say Yes to Love comes along, the only reaction I can offer is one that’s totally uninhibited. Where Meredith Graves lays her soul bare in the music, I’ll attempt to get to the core of mine in response. This isn’t some secondhand chore, either, it’s born of the same instinctively guttural nature so prominent in the band’s music. All of that, and reasons I’ll get to shortly, serves as enough reason to sever the ties of a faceless mask and dive into Say Yes to Love completely free of any filter that may impede personal sincerity.

That the crux of the last conversation I had with Graves was sincerity has been touched on before but is worth mentioning again to aid in some contextualization of Say Yes to Love. It’s a record full of unbridled confessionals, taking any notion of passivity and strangling it to death. Graves emerged as one of the more fearless lyricists out there last year with the release of the band’s career-making demo I have lost all desire for feeling. There were no reservations about holding back or closing people out, it was a cathartic gut-spilling on a deeply personal level. More impressively, and this isn’t something that’s mentioned often, is that it was highly literate. Graves is an admitted Barthes disciple and a voracious reader and that continues to show itself in her lyrics. It’s part of what made I have lost all desire for feeling so arresting and it’s what helps push Say Yes to Love to even greater heights.

Say Yes to Love is a record that showcases a surprising depth of range for the band that was only previously hinted at. From “Driver“, their fucking firecracker of an opener, straight through to the pulsating damaged electronic looping of “VII”, there are moments that will legitimately stun (and completely baffle) a fair amount of anyone lucky enough to listen to it. While “Driver” has been covered before, it’s worth noting that the song only grows stronger with each consecutive listen. When the music gets heavy and Graves drags one syllable of some unintelligible word to the peak of the mix is still one of the most thrilling moments of music I’ve heard this year. Everything’s delivered at breakneck pace and, in an incredibly rare case, there are no diminishing returns to be found in its intensity. The same holds true for the rest of the band’s music, which is likely another reason they’re experiencing a growing groundswell of success.

Much like Rooms of the House, this is a record that doesn’t take its foot off the gas pedal and hurtles itself towards an unknown destination, almost hoping for total catastrophe. There’s never a moment on Say Yes to Love that isn’t blisteringly intense, even when it’s at its quietest (“Interference Fits“) or indulging in disorienting electronic work. There’s always an exhilarating sense of not giving a fuck and letting go. It doesn’t matter what’s being let go either- whether it be control, memories, defenses, or order, there’s a definite sense of freedom to be found here. All of Say Yes to Love feels like a feral animal that’s longed to escape for decades only to have woken up without any constraints. Each of these eight songs is rabid and wild-eyed, wrapped up in nothing but cathartic honesty and temperamental attitude.

Earlier tonight the band played a characteristically fierce set as part of NPR’s SXSW showcase before Graves and noisemaker Shaun Sutkus sat down with NPR afterwards to discuss many things. One of them was the shifting nature of punk and how that while it is something that’s continuously evolving, one thing’s always stayed relatively similar: the attitude. On this front, it’s difficult to think of a higher-visibility punk band so fully embracing that aspect of the genre’s undeniable aesthetic. While the band’s music certainly flirts with art punk and hardcore, they’re never going to shake the punk descriptor because of how deeply that attitude is embedded into their music. It’s something that moves past Graves’ stunning lyricism and Sutkus’ unconventional approach to the way they present themselves onstage both physically and verbally- it’s even apparent in Graves’ empathy, kindness, and open honesty offstage. There are no apologies, everything is unbridled and nothing is held back. It’s fucked up and it’s beautiful- which may be the perfect way to describe Say Yes to Love.

Finding beauty in the damaged aspects of life is one of Graves’ underlining messages, intentional or not, and it’s worth celebrating. It’s not all of an anxiety-inducing seriousness, though, there are definitely some aspects of pure joy and just-for-the-hell-of-it brand fun scattered throughout the band’s music. Whether it’s a sly turn-of-phase, a winking chord progression, lighting off firecrackers in a local park before running from the cops, or swirling Graves’ menstrual blood into clear vinyl LP’s for the deluxe release of Say Yes to Love, it’s abundantly clear that the band’s youthful nature is as spry as it ever was. It’s hard not to spot that sense of fun in the relentless 1-2-3 punch of “Bells”, “Big Stars”, and “Work”. “Bells” has a jumpy glee-inducing tempo-shifting ending, “Big Stars” has its tongue firmly planted in its cheek from the get-go (the title alone…), and “Work”, while being the most serious of a three song set intense enough to render anyone breathless, has a fun-as-hell (albeit ridiculously pulverizing) final minute. That “Work” has such a ridiculously high level of intensity is no mistake, as it precedes “Interference Fits”, not only the center piece of the record, not only Graves’ most personal moment, not only the band’s mot stunning accomplishment, but one of the outright best songs of the past several years.

When “Work” ends abruptly and trails off into feedback, it sets up the surprisingly gorgeous first section of “Interference Fits”, which has Graves exploring her deepest fears and desires in a very public forum. Then, it happens. One of my favorite moments of any song; a measure of silence. That silence comes directly after the record’s most devastating moment, that finds Graves pleading out into nothingness “Since when do we say yes to love?!” It’s a moment that allows the listener to pause and reflect on the gravity of that question, one that should hopefully open up an internal dialogue for anyone who’s ever doubted the various positions of love in everyday life. It’s also a moment of restraint from a band known for being exhaustively restless. Most importantly, though, it’s a reprieve that makes the ensuing back half of “Interference Fits” sound absolutely massive, unleashing a deep-seated moment of catharsis as the band goes off like a volcano and a cavalcade of vocals descend on the listener, interfering with each other, as if Graves is inviting us to her own personal struggle. It’s intensely voyeuristic and- prefaced with that measure of silence- all too real. I’ll forever be grateful that there’s nearly a full minute of feedback to close that song out, as it allows some time to regain stability and composure.

Following “Interference Fits” is Say Yes to Love‘s shortest track, “Dig”, which doesn’t even eclipse a minute and a half but does effectively work as a shot in the arm after the ridiculously powerful “Interference Fits” and the record’s next big moment- “Advance Upon the Real”. Having originally appeared on the wonderful Beyond Inversion compilation, “Advance Upon the Real” showcases both extremes of Perfect Pussy- the frenzied hardcore-influenced assault of the band at their most revved up and the minimal deconstruction that so often serve as the band’s buried soundbed. In the song’s opening minute and a half, it’s an all-out auditory blitz- but when it hits that 1:30 mark it scales back drastically, revealing an ambient drone that’s manipulated so perfectly it feels like a lost Eluvium track. When it yields control, the record reveals its most shocking moment: “VII”.

If Perfect Pussy hadn’t made the impression they were subversive, they’re certainly going to be wearing that tag proudly now. “VII” is, by a long stretch, the most jarring and outright insane thing they’ve committed to a recording. The only point of reference that I can possibly think of for the almost nightmarish sound experimentation that takes place in “VII” is Giles Corey’s Deconstructionist, a 90+ minute sound experiment designed to induce trances, possession states, and out-of-body experiences that actually required instructional literature to guide the listener through the preparation. While, granted, “VII” is nowhere near as intensive on anything to be found in Deconstructionist, it skews closer to that than, say, the most unsettling points of Tim Hecker’s Virgins. It’s an extremely unsettling end to a record that lives up to and surpasses a few dozen mountains worth of expectations. With “VII”, Perfect Pussy manages to shatter any misconceptions about barriers they’re willing to cross. For Say Yes to Love, largely a positive record, to end on a note of sustained ambient menace (Graves’ vocals only appear briefly, distorted almost beyond recognition, rattling off bulletin points – among other things) is just the right level of total insanity to up the respective levels of anticipation on whatever the band does next (still waiting on more news of that split 7″ with Joanna Gruesome).

Once Say Yes to Love plays itself out, it’s almost impossible to not want to dive right back into it. It’s a record that’s built for exploring. Once again, Graves has held up a mirror to herself and the world will be poised to see themselves in it as well. There are oceans of things to relate to that are littered throughout Say Yes to Love. They’re all on open display, Graves is under the knife, guitars are splicing her open and the drums are pushing everyone further into their respective roles. “Driver”, “Advance Upon the Real”, and especially “Interference Fits” all feel more vibrant and alive as part of a masterfully sequenced and paced collection, while all of the new songs strike nerves deep enough to become memorable. None of the band’s immediacy has been sacrificed and- if anything- they sound simultaneously more joyous and more pissed off than they ever have before. With their increasing levels of visibility, Say Yes to Love also seems poised to deepen the divide between those celebrating the band and those mercilessly deriding it. Be prepared to have an opinion and back it up because this band isn’t going away anytime soon- and as long as they keep making music this good, I’ll be one of the people on the rooftops, shouting their praises as loud as I possibly can.

Stream Say Yes to Love over at NPR’s First Listen series and pick the record up when it comes out on 3/18 via Captured Tracks. “Interference Fits” can be streamed below.

9 Comments

March 12, 2014

La Dispute – Rooms of the House (Album Review)

HUDSONVILLE MI 1956

La Dispute always seem to ignite genre arguments, which is a shame because really (while every side does seem to have some merit) the bottom line often gets overshadowed. That bottom line? They’re a band who have staked out their position not by having a hand in a myriad of styles but by making legitimately great music. Their upcoming record, Rooms of the House (due out 3/18 via Staple Records), is even more definitive proof of this. There are very few bands playing with structure- and narrative structure- quite like La Dispute. All of their past trademarks are more prominent than they’ve ever been on Rooms of the House. From the deeply concerned and fiercely empathetic delivery concerning the traits of their songs protagonists to the stealth-morphing of time signatures and tempos, Rooms of the House is as unmistakenly La Dispute as possible.

Opener “HUDSONVILLE, MI 1956” wastes no time in laying the record’s groundwork: the first lines are as follows- “There are bridges over rivers, there are moments of collapse. There are drivers with their feet on the glass; you can kick but you can’t get out. There is history in the rooms of the house.” Immediately, they’ve presented a subverted thesis that they don’t reveal the full extent of until it becomes apparent. Using a house and its objects as the source material is an inspired idea and in the right hands (La Dispute’s, certainly) yields extraordinary results. Projecting history into the mundane, “HUDSONVILLE” goes from that brief introduction to an absolutely harrowing tale of separation during a spell of severe storms. The phones are cut, the radio’s are all yelling out warnings, and lovers try to focus on anything but the fact that those closest to them may be dead. As first songs go, it’s among the best of the past few years. Not a bad start.

Coexisting with the narratives is the band’s music itself, all bottled-up fury that tends to operate on a tension-explosion dynamic, never losing an ounce of its verve. There are very few moments throughout Rooms of the House where the band scales back its intensity- whether it be the quiet kind or full-throttle. One of those moments that takes solace in relative relaxation (at least for a while) is the record’s third track “Woman (in mirror)”, which (at least in terms of instrumental arrangement) strongly resembles In Rainbows. It winds up being a strangely good look for La Dispute, who prove definitively that they can do wonders with a laid back, clean, groove-heavy track. As always, Jordan Dreyer’s lyrics are beyond exceptional (this is the guy that gave us King Park, after all) and he continues to be a viable candidate for one of this generation’s best songwriters. “Woman (reading)”, at least until it descends into controlled chaos, and “Objects in Space” also reside snugly with “Woman (in mirror)” and its chilled-out territory. Each offering up a fair few surprises and winding up with equal worth.

As nice as it is to hear La Dispute so fully embrace the quieter nature of their identity, the band still thrives on bursts of violence. It’s that sense of genuine danger that made “For Mayor In Splitsville” an early standout (with an incredible video to match), with its emotional turbulence maximized. Nothing is held back, everything’s a travesty, and that’s frustrating as hell. That “Splitsville” has characters who are treated as equally as the ones in “HUDSONVILLE” may strike some sensitive people as callous but it, once again, points to Dreyer’s strengths as a storyteller. While nearly everyone in Rooms of the House is dragged through hell and back, they’re all given equal care and consideration. There’s beauty in the mundane, damaged or not, and a good story’s always worth telling. Every good story also has a very present instability and makes room for uncertainty as an important factor. La Dispute tend to live in those margins, not caring as much about the resolve as they do about the journey. It’s a trait that plays directly into what makes Rooms of the House so successful as a collection of stories and what ties them all together. The house metaphor is used heavily throughout the record but really it’s strongest unifying factor is the open fears of the protagonists in the heart of their respective stories.

When Rooms of the House has exhausted all of its punches and winds down with “Objects In Space”, songs like the absolutely furious “Stay Happy There” are still resonating; their shots buried into the fabric of the story as a whole. Everything splits apart and crumbles, buckling under the weight of its volatile nature. Depending on how empathetic the listener tends to be, they’ll either be drained or riveted- often both. This is the kind of work that merits a pause once it’s run through, though. It’s not a light piece and it requires a fair amount of investment. Fortunately, that investment gets rewarded tenfold and the listener’s not only left with an outstanding record but an incredibly memorable story and frighteningly immersive experience. While La Dispute certainly weren’t making anything that wasn’t worth listening to before this, with Rooms of the House they’ve managed to top themselves. It’s an incredible record and will very likely experience a strong amount of support come December. Until then, all that’s left to do is get lost in its stories.

Watch the video for “For Mayor In Splitsville” below and stream the whole record over at the band’s soundcloud.

5 Comments

March 4, 2014

Nervosas at Center Street Free Space and Quarters Rock N Roll Palace – 3/1/14 (Live Review)

On March 1, 2014, the entirety of Milwaukee was emitting a low hum- the result of hundreds of amps coming to life. There was the East Side Music Festival, which stood as a celebration of local music (Heartbreaking Bravery favorites The Sleepwalkers, Midnight Reruns, and The Midwestern Charm were all well represented), that spanned several participating venues and featured headlining sets from Why? and POS. Beach Patrol, Jake Simmons, and Tim Schweiger & the Middlemen were the bands making up a stellar bill over at Bremen Cafe, outside of the fest. Another non-fest show that was likely worth seeing had Ringo Deathstarr headlining Mad Planet. There was a show in seemingly every venue in the city- and Nervosas played two of them.

First up was a show in the basement of DIY library collective Center Street Free Space alongside Strange Matter and Crowdpleaser. After having some trouble with a faulty mic stand that essentially just gave out before Strange Matter began (both a cinder block and a weighted bucket were used as position anchors) the show started with an incredibly impressive set from Milwaukee hardcore veterans Strange Matter. After a few lineup changes and toting a new 7″, ennui actuation dissolver, the band was in fine form throughout a rapid-fire set. Blending all kinds of influences into a fairly original sound that leans heavily on hardcore, Strange Matter have built a strong reputation for themselves by virtue of their releases. If this show was any indication, though, their live show may have surpassed their recorded output in terms of quality- and that’s saying something.

Next to bat was Crowdpleaser, another Milwaukee band toying with genre limitations in slightly unexpected ways. Pushing their volumes to dangerous heights, the band played passionately and were genuinely excited to be sharing a bill with Nervosas. Their excitement was even more justified by the similarities between the two bands. Both Crowdpleaser and Nervosas share a similarly-mined strand of goth-punk that a lot of today’s bands can’t claim. There’s also a peculiar restlessness to be found in both bands’ music. Neither band is afraid of the unsparingly bleak, either. While there are more than a few differences between Crowdpleaser and Nervosas, and while there were a fair amount of technical difficulties, Crowdpleaser’s set felt like a completely natural precursor for the perpetually anxious Nervosas.

When Nervosas finally took over they did it with a manic determination that made their set one of the most cathartic experiences imaginable. Truly looking like that went both ways (band and audience feeding into each other on a barely-controlled loop) they grew progressively more intense as the set went on. Afterwards guitarist, Mickey, would reveal that she was trying to frantically keep up with the rest of her band who purportedly never play that fast. Whether that was a false claim is anyone’s best guess but at various points throughout the set, their drummer, Nick, would lose time and recover quickly with well-timed blast beats. All the while Jeff (their bassist and vocalist) would be careening through songs from the few outstanding releases they have so far, completely caught up in the moment. The only times the weirdly hypnotic and utterly dark spell was broken came when one of them would let the song get away from them (though they all recovered incredibly quickly) and not be able to help a smile. It’s impossible to gauge how long their set was as everyone was completely caught up in the moment, watching the band teeter on the edge of total collapse and reign things in at all the right moments. Making this even more memorable was the low turnout rate for the show- the benefit being that everyone who was there clearly cared enough to make sure that they were there so they could shout along “APAB” at all the right moments and support a band they loved. By the time the band finished tearing through a particularly rousing take on “Poison Ivy” nearly everyone that was present had likely already made up their minds to make their way over to the late show to see them again.

Between the end of the Free Space show and the start of the show at Quarters, a stop was made at Bremen Cafe in hopes to catch one of the three bands playing that night- while that proved to be an impossibility it’s worth noting that Jake Simmons, Tim Schweiger & the Middlemen, and Beach Patrol all come very highly recommended and wouldn’t have been missed any other night. By the time the short walk to Quarters was made, feedback was already ringing throughout the venue, a half circle had been formed in front of the stage, and Midwives were about to go off. Having just seen Midwives member Graham Hunt lead Midnight Reruns through another energetic set just a week prior it was nice to see him fully embracing the role of a hardcore guitarist, while it was nice to see Sahan Jayasuriya back behind a kit for a band he believes in. Both of them need the band for different reasons; for Hunt it’s the ability to cut loose and be as grimy as possible, something that fronting Midnight Reruns doesn’t afford him- and for Jayasuriya it’s both the advantage of input into creative control and the sense of connection that comes with being part of something from the ground up, instead of coming into the fold late (something he’s experienced surprisingly often).

It was evident throughout Midwives’ set how badly those points counted for them as they poured their fucking hearts into their set by attacking their instruments with the kind of brute force only found in the best hardcore bands. As both Hunt and Jayasuriya lost their respective minds on their instruments, their vocalist was stalking the hell out of the open space in front of the stage shouting for all his worth and their bassist kept everything in check by holding down his parts while furiously nodding his head along. Ripping through the songs from their vicious debut 7″ (they used the night to celebrate its physical release) and a whole lot of new songs (many of which will be appearing on the LP they’ll be recording this week), it started to feel like the band announcing a bigger kind of arrival. While their studio work is already enormously impressive (despite being only four songs), this is the kind of band that lives for a live setting- they didn’t disappoint and hopefully won’t be disappearing anytime soon.

After quite a bit of set up, take-down, and tuning, Technicolor Teeth turned up their amps to typically deafening volumes and greeted the audience with their shoegaze-heavy nightmare pop. Ever since first seeing this band a few years back and watching them evolve, it’s been clear that they’ve tapped into something inherently special. As they’ve progressed they’ve toyed with the boundaries of genre and exploited the buried aspects of a few different styles rather than settling for something as simple as revivalism. They’re pushing things in new and intriguing directions; finding a home in what was once considered a dormant style and looking forward instead of traveling back. Easily the night’s longest set, they nonetheless were as captivating as usual and likely won over anyone they hadn’t. While their set seemed to be heavy on newer material, it all clicked and felt coherent enough to keep the audience interested despite being a band who’s prone to playing up a drowsy-high aesthetic. There were a few blinding flashes of energy that helped push that along and as a collective unit, the band played close to flawlessly, wrapped up in a weird kind of power approach. A large part of the credit for this is likely due to drummer Amos Pitsch (who uses his time outside of the band to do things like front Tenement) who continues to operate on an almost obscene level of musicality (so much so that it prompted a well-intentioned and sarcastic “Thanks for drumming before me, Amos. That sucked.” from Nick) and provides the band with a considerable punch. In any case, Technicolor Teeth played like they meant it and is a must-catch prospect- they’ll be playing the Accidental Guest Recordings showcase at SXSW, don’t miss it.

After Technicolor Teeth wrapped up and everyone assessed their levels of hearing damage, Nervosas set back up for a final run. Only this time, it wasn’t to 15 people- it was to a packed bar that was threatening to close in on max capacity. As a result, the energy level of the decidedly frenetic show at Free Space somehow got kicked up a few more levels. This time, the audience wound up begging the band for an encore that they never got; and that was alright- Nervosas seemingly left every inch of themselves on that stage. Absolutely ripping through highlights from their best-of-decade worthy self-titled like “Less Than Human”, “Viva Viva”, “Extinct Species”, “Waste of Time”, and (once again) “Stellarcore”, “Poison Ivy” and “APAB” along with some deeper cuts like Rev 45 lead-off track “Junky”. All of this was performed as wild-eyed as possible, with each member being almost inhumanly committed to delivering their songs at maximum levels of impact. None of the three could stay still even between songs, feet tapping and bodies swaying back and forth, anxious to jump into whatever was next. During the songs, that restlessness was even more present as the band would literally throw themselves from side to side (and into the walls on more than one occasion), while attempting to keep themselves in control of the music. Their levels of success on these levels were improbable, as all of the things apart from the audience size were both duplicated and maximized from their set just a few hours before. By the time the calls for an encore were hitting their peak, the band was onstage, packing up, absolutely spent. They’d made their mark and knew their was nothing left to possibly be given.

As the show turned into an afterparty with the assistance of Rio Turbo, friends old and new caught up, got drinks, and found their way into dances, conversations, and the streets. Everyone buzzing on the adrenaline high that accompanies the truly great shows. Everyone that played caught up with each other and their admirers, gave their thanks to each, and bought or traded merch before heading off. Now that all the smoke’s cleared, all that’s left to do is keep both eyes peeled for the next time Nervosas show up- because if these shows were any indication, this is a band that should never be missed.

A few photographs from the shows can be found below.

: Nervosas (CSFS)

: Nervosas (QRNRP)

4 Comments

February 25, 2014

Perfect Pussy – Interference Fits (Stream)

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Ever since Perfect Pussy released I have lost all desire for feeling they’ve endured a level of scrutiny that’s generally given to bands who are several records removed from their debut demo (it’s next to impossible to stress enough how insane that is, especially considering this is a band operating on the fringes of hardcore). Since then, they’ve lit off a firestorm of opinions, played as fiercely as possible, released an extraordinary preview track of what promises to be an incendiary LP, a music video for I have lost all desire for feeling‘s lead-off track that was nothing short of life-affirming, and vocalist Meredith Graves was even kind enough to grace this very site with a characteristically revealing interview. As a result of this kind of whirlwind production (not to mention filling a select few LP’s with Graves’ actual blood), all eyes have been fixed on them, curious as to what they’ll do next. For now, the answer is the same as it’s likely to always be; subvert expectations.

Everything the band’s released up to “Interference Fits” has been balancing a duality between chaos and vulnerability, always leaning towards the former. “Interference Fits”, likely the upcoming record’s centerpiece, flips the script so adeptly, it’s honestly difficult to imagine the band in any other mode. From the undeniably gorgeous slow-building introduction to the moment of euphoric explosion following Graves’ disarmingly emotive shout of “since when do we say yes to love?!” there’s not a moment here that falls short of utterly, almost frighteningly, captivating. The song’s ultimately one of the best uses of the tension/explosion dynamic this side of Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds and full of a transcendental freedom that accompanies the kind of unassailable honesty the band traffics in. That the song’s closing moments are full of feedback isn’t a mistake either; it’s the calm after a storm of genuine self-evaluation- an epilogue to the manic run-through of the Important Questions. In all, “Interference Fits” is easily one of the best songs to emerge from 2014 and even more reason to look forward to Say Yes to Love (pre-order here). Do not miss this.

“Interference Fits” can (and should) be heard over at NPR and a live user-shot performance clip of the song can be seen below (thank you for shooting and uploading, loopyvids).

6 Comments

February 19, 2014

Perfect Pussy – I (Music Video)

There are very few names that have been as instrumental to Heartbreaking Bravery’s (admittedly limited) early success and continuing expansion as Perfect Pussy‘s Meredith Graves. Endlessly supportive and impossibly kind, she’s lent an unwavering support that’s both humbling and welcome. For this reason and this reason alone, I’m going to abandon at least one rule of the hidden manifest I’ve held Heartbreaking Bravery to up until this 110th post; the use of a first-person narrative. I’m breaking this rule specifically for this post because these words will be about Perfect Pussy’s new music video as much as they’ll be about sincerity. Sincerity, compassion, and empathy were at the heart of our last discussion and were three of the things that attracted me to the band begin with. There’s an unflinching honesty that, as evidenced by the almost immediate backlash following their success, alienated about 1 person for every 10 that it’s inspired.

In terms of sentiment, the lyrical content on I have lost all desire for feeling elevates itself past the bleeding-heart realm into a full-on self-performed open heart surgery that cuts off halfway through, laying everything bare for onlookers. It’s not kitschy, it’s fucking brave. Detractors like to speculate that it’s all just an act, grossly unaware of how little of a veil there is that separates the band from its audience. There’s a heart on display that’s beating furiously and unapologetically, allowing anyone paying attention to interpret its motions as they will. Operating without a filter and embracing as much positive energy as humanly possible, the band’s already managed to establish a reputation for themselves on the strength of a four song demo and fierce touring.

All of those early trademarks- the empathy, compassion, sincerity, (positive) energy, fearlessness, and upfront honesty come together in Lukas Hodge’s clip for I have lost all desire for feeling‘s explosive opening track, “I”. Hodge opens the video with an endearing black-and-white shot of the band, all smiles, descending a staircase and led by an umbrella-toting Graves. Before the jump cut out of the stairwell hits an abbreviated quick cut sequence, Graves shoots the audience the kind of smile that seems to say “thank you” and “I love you” all at once, to anyone that cares. It’s a brief second that feels like it’s worth a lifetime, aptly illustrating a moment of something approaching self-actualization. It’s unlikely there will be anything as intimate captured this year.

Following the contained beauty of the band’s introduction, the video ably jumps between three scenarios; the live performance footage, the band shooting firecrackers off in a beautiful wide-open field, and walking around various city locations. All of “I” is lensed with a subtly soft, warm hue that maximizes the clip’s easy naturalistic feel. Though, there aren’t moments lacking in artistic merit in the face of that naturalism. While it’s difficult to tell whether or not it actually was raining, the band (and certainly the director) were likely aware of how significant something as simple as the umbrellas has been throughout musically-inclined film projects. From Mary Poppins to The Umbrellas of Cherbourg to, more recently, How I Met Your Mother, umbrellas have acted as beloved staples (and important plot devices) in culturally resonant art. While a two minute music video is obviously going to have to deal with some limitations, “I” already feels like one of the more definitive presentations of a very specific subculture within the confines of punk.

Before the video’s explosive confetti-strewn climax, Hodge manages to articulately convey the band’s frantic passion through exposition. By splicing together the outside footage with the performance, it’s easy to grasp the band’s personality which makes the final payoff that much more exhilarating. You want the people that greet you with a warm embrace to succeed, especially when their end goal doesn’t carry any inherently negative or mean-spirited consequence. That’s a space reserved for the kind of people who embrace the lighthearted fun that’s on display throughout “I”. By the time “I” hits its relentless stride and the band’s surrounded by friends, everyone under a shower of confetti and clothed in silly string, the moment feels deserved. Driving this point home, Hodge allows his camera to linger on a small group of hands that are raised up, as if in elated prayer, and a once small-but-significant moment acts as a stand-in for a much larger one; those few enlightened hands have now turned into thousands, each of which (mine included) more than happy to attempt to push the band to even greater successes and heights.

While Graves may still be on the operating table, picking herself apart and attempting to figure out how to live the most worthwhile life possible, there are people in her corner. There are people that know Perfect Pussy are a band that’s worth believing in, not just because they’re making great music but because they’re making sincere music, the kind that directly opposes the apathy that’s descended like a darkness and all but consumed the forefront of the DIY/basement punk scene. There’s an intrinsic value to Perfect Pussy’s commitment to honesty. At a time when things as basic as desire and enthusiasm are positioned as things that can damage credibility, I’ll be on the side of the band that comes into that fold and fucking destroys the misguided preconceptions about them. Perfect Pussy are a band that kids can look to and be assured that it’s okay to be excited about art and the importance of that should not be lost.

“I” will likely always be Perfect Pussy’s best calling card, distilling the band’s indomitable passion into a blistering 120 seconds (complete with an arresting mantra that perfectly captures the band’s paradoxical marriage of aspects gentle and forceful). Somewhere, in those two glorious minutes, an entire subculture’s esoteric pretense was stripped away. Somehow, Lukas Hodge managed to create a video that managed to push the band’s ideals further while presenting an accurate portrayal of their collective identity. Someday some fifteen year old kid is going to see that video and learn a myriad of things; that it’s okay to be who you are, that art/punk/noise/hardcore/whatever-the-fuck is one of the most gratifying experiences you can possibly have, that gender should never matter in music, that youth can be retained, and that sincerity is something that should never be overvalued.

Even if Graves & co. are pinching themselves now, in the midst of a rapid ascension to the kind of levels where all of their moves will be met with scrutiny, they’re not the sort to pay attention to any of the critical responses. That’s the final key to their success; by blocking out all of the outside opinion- apart from the reactions they get from shows, people buying merch through their bandcamp, or personal messages- they’re free to cater to the things they believe in. Luckily for us, those beliefs are worth celebrating. Nearly everything that I’ve written above (in addition to the twenty or so times I watched “I” today) has led me to a realization. Perfect Pussy have officially become a personal item for me. This isn’t a band I want to push- it’s one I need to. They’re doing important things, whether they know it or not, with a high enough profile that those things may have an actual impact and cause some positive reform in increasingly stale scenes. While Heartbreaking Bravery certainly won’t be the most visible source lending their aesthetics and creative decisions vocal support, it’s still worth discussing.

For a reminder of all of this, watch “I” below and pre-order a deluxe copy of Say Yes to Love over at Captured Tracks.

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November 18, 2013

INTERVIEW: Meredith Graves (Perfect Pussy)

Photograph by Ben Cleeton

Perfect Pussy’s I have lost all desire for feeling is a release that feels genuinely important. When a band breaks through as early on as Perfect Pussy did, especially on their respective circuit, it’s a rarity. One of Heartbreaking Bravery’s first posts was on the demo (technically an EP), so it made sense to catch up with band leader Meredith Graves for Heartbreaking Bravery’s first interview piece.

After a few cancellations and some rescheduling on both ends, we finally found time to sit down for a chat. What followed was a conversation with a lot of revealing information, a lot of laughter, and a sense of strange elation. Graves proved to be an excitable motor-mouth, formulating her ideas internally and then taking off with her explanations, frequently cutting ideas off at the head head to add in new information. With this constant circling her ideas managed to be fleshed out in full, even if they were presented in a fragmented fashion.

Graves was in high spirits throughout, endlessly gracious and absolutely charming. Whenever her answers turned more personal she would clutch her outer lay of clothing just a little tighter. When she talked about her bandmates, even if she was upset with them, it was with a great sense of pride and companionship. Graves uses words like bad and bitch as terms of endearment. She frequently emphasizes words and turns statements into questions. She’s proud of her friends and despises her shortcomings. She thinks literally everyone is cute and that everyone is her friend. She self-identifies as both a reformed “bad boyfriend” and a “grown-ass man.” She’s exceedingly winsome and personable. Just don’t fall in love with her after knowing her for four days.

For all of this conversation, important Perfect Pussy release news, a small window into the things the vocalist enjoys and has to confront, take some time out and read the full interview below.

HB: Has the recent attention Perfect Pussy’s been receiving caught you off guard?

MG: (Confident) Yes. (Pauses, laughter) Oh, did you want more of an answer? Yes, it’s the weirdest fucking thing in the world. It’s so fucking weird. I, most of the time, can’t keep track of the fact that it’s real. I frequently forget. My day-to-day life is already really strange and I have kind of had a really interesting and peculiar. I’m perpetually entertained, like, whatever I’m doing I’m really doing it all the time. I’m a really intense person and I do a lot of weird shit. So, for me, my life was like “Oh my God, I have this weird job and I have all these weird friends and I do all this weird shit all the time and I’m constantly doing all this…” I’m really involved all the time, so my life was really intense already.

Then, all of a sudden, people care about my band and it’s really weird. So, a lot of the time, it’s just like another weird thing, you know? But this time, it’s particularly weird because I’ll be doing one weird thing, like, there was one day a few weeks ago where I had the day off from work but I ran into work to pick up a bunch of gowns that I had to sew zippers into because I’m a seamstress. I had to go pick up these dresses that I had to put these zippers into and I ended up at this thrift store and I got this couch and I was on my way to a restaurant opening for a restaurant that I was helping open and then I got the call that my Pitchfork interview went up and I was just like (jaw drops, expression turns stunned) “this is real life.” Every once in a while, I just have to look at myself and what I’m doing and be like (pauses, expression turns stunned again) “how?!”, you know? So, yes, it’s fucking weird. I don’t trust it, I don’t trust it all. It happened so suddenly that it could easily go away just as fast. Yes, it’s really fun and I haven’t said that yet. It’s the coolest thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m so grateful because it’s just one of those experiences that I’m going to have that a lot of other people are never going to get to have so I’m trying to really appreciate it in a very full and true sense… but it is fucking weird (laughter). I hope that’s the right answer? It’s weird!

HB: Perfect Pussy seems to fall in line nicely with where Shoppers left off. Where do the two bands differ in approach?

MG: They are totally different. None of the same people except me are in either band. Shoppers was the first band I wasn’t playing drums in. I played drums when I was in high school, like, a little. So, I was drumming in surf rock bands and then I was playing music for myself for a really long time, making and recording sort of folk-jazz music a lot when I was in college and when I was travelling. Then I was in Shoppers because I was dating someone that was in bands and was really, really, really involved in the hardcore scene and he met me and he hated the acoustic music I was making- but then he found out about all the music that I listened to and was like, “Wait, why aren’t you in hardcore bands?” and I never really felt like I could.So, Shoppers was the band that actually got me to realize that I could play the music I listened to. I had loved hardcore and grown up listening to punk and hardcore and I’d been going to shows since I was 13 and playing in bands since high school and whatever- but I had never done a real hardcore band where I was writing music. So I said to myself “Yeah, I’m gonna try” for this guy and for our friends, even if we just do it for fun. So that band, since I had never played hardcore before, was me taking a guitar and trying to write hardcore songs and what came out wasn’t what I had really originally intended but that band was still really interesting to be in.

The thing about that band is that it ended up being an extremely unhealthy emotional situation for me. I was in a relationship with the drummer of that band and he was… I was really fucked up. I was smoking a lot of pot and I was drinking a lot and I was kind of a bitch but he’s insane and a real trashy dude and we ended up having a really bad relationship.When our relationship broke up, thank Christ, the band broke up. So, the biggest difference for me, between the two bands that I’ve done, is that this band is an extremely healthy emotional environment for me. This is a band that I’m in with four very, very, very good friends of mine. One of the people in my band is my best friend, my best best friend. So, I’m in a band right now with my best friend and three other really close friends of mine. It’s a very supportive and healthy environment where they encourage- they’ve never told me not to do something- where, as in Shoppers, there was this very restrictive quality. It was like: We need to be a hardcore band and we need to be perceived as a hardcore band and we can only play with other hardcore bands and if you do this or if you wear this or if you act this way or if you continue doing this then that’s fucked up and no one’s gonna think we’re punk. So it was like, Okay, well, that’s nice, whatever, that’s nice, dear.

So doing this band it was really this exercise in ‘how free can we be?’ A bunch of people who came from other scenes and who were coming from- well, okay, so there’s this idea that I really like that I heard a few years ago and ever since then, I’ve really been taking it to heart and keeping it in mind as sort of a practice, and that is that you are the composite image of the five people you spend the most time with. The five people you spend the most time with? That’s who you are. If you take the five people you’re around most, and it doesn’t matter if it’s your fucking boss, if it’s your friends, if it’s your mom, no matter who it is, whether you like them or not, you’re a composite of the five people you spend the most time with. It’s always true, at least for me, I mean, when I do the math and average it out, that’s true. There have been times in my life where I’ve been surrounded by some extremely unhealthy people and that was what made me who I was then. Right now, being in this band, I’m surrounded by some extremely secure, happy, excellent, upright, moral, talented, fucking creative, dope dudes (laughter).

So, when I go to practice- like I just got a call- we’re having practice at three o’clock! And I’m like, this is my first day off in a week and I was really into this folding laundry thing that I was doing but now I’m like “I get to go to practice! Do you know what that means? That means I get to scream and that means I get to eat tacos with my friends.” So, that’s the difference between that band and this band. That band we would get home from tour and I would stay in bed for a fucking week because I would be so depressed and this band I’m like “I’m gonna ride my bike to practice and eat fucking tacos! It’s gonna be awesome!” I’m constantly excited about being in this band, everything I do with this band is really fun. It’s an emotional difference between the two bands, it’s not like a visceral, physical, palpable difference because it’s still me and I only know how to be one way. I’m not different. This band is fun, that’s what’s different.

HB: Both Shoppers and Perfect Pussy both utilized very lo-fi recordings. Was that decision an aesthetic one or was it something born out of necessity?

MG: Cheap recordings, sludgy guitar tones, you know? We’re all from the same city and sometimes cities get a sound. There’s something to be said for exhibiting the aesthetic and audio qualities that come from where you are. There’s something about sounding like home that you can’t really avoid. The story of Syracuse hardcore for the last X amount of years has been this really grimy unintelligible crapfest. Some people took it to that mysterious guy hardcore thing and that was just not for me. The thing with me is that I don’t like my voice. I like singing in bands because it’s fun and it feels good but I don’t really like the way I sound. So, the burying of my voice on both records is a really- I am the worst bitch when I’m in a mixing situation because I’m always like “drop me, drop me, drop me, drop me, drop me, I don’t want to hear me in the mix, I don’t want to hear me, bury me in the mix, bury it, bury it, bury it.” So the only reason is sounds anything alike is because I’m the HBIC and I’m at the soundboard saying “turn it down, turn it down, make me sound worse, make me sound like shit, bury me, bury me” because I don’t want to hear myself. So, that’s that.

HB: Over the past few years, your songs have been titled with Roman Numerals. What’s the reason behind that?

MG: It’s not intentional, everybody asks me that, I just don’t like coming up with titles for songs. Plus, especially in this band- so, all the Perfect Pussy songs have names. Greg was rushing to get the tapes out because we hadn’t done shit as a band, like, we hadn’t done anything. So he’s like “Okay, we’ve been sitting on this tape forever and we need to just put it out.” So, he kind of just went ahead and did it when I hadn’t come up with all the titles for the songs yet and automatically everyone associated it with Shoppers. With Shoppers it was actually conscious, in Shoppers I didn’t want to fuck with it- but most of the songs have names and on the record we’re about to start recording all the songs have names.

But, get this, so I go so far as to come up with names for all the songs and at practice we’ll work on a new song, I’ll show up, I’ll have my lyrics, everything will be cool, we’ll do it and I’ll be like “this song is called this“, like we have a song called “Bells” and I’ll be like, okay, this song is going to be on the setlist as “Bells”, don’t forget that, this is what the song is about, this is what it’s like. We’ll be at practice and I’ll say “What are we going to do next? Wanna play Bells?” Ten seconds of- I’ll look around the room and all of the boys are like (expression goes blank), just frozen with panic. Then someone will be like “Oh, is that the one that starts with the really thrashy part? Oh, that’s the third song. Okay.” Then I’ll just be like “I go to these lengths for you and you do nothing for me”, like, c’mon, I’m naming the fucking songs so we don’t play these games all the time and you guys can’t even remember what the fucking songs are called. So, whatever, that’s what I’m up against. That’s why I do the roman numeral things because everyone in the band’s a fucking idiot (laughter). We know what we’re playing maybe a third of the time, like, maybe a third of the time we do.

HB: Do you have any plans for an LP?

MG: Yeah. We’re gonna start recording on Tuesday. Everything is written now, so… Yeah, I’m really nervous (laughter). I’m really excited but I’m really scared too. It’s weird… it’s different. I’m really proud of it, though. I’m proud of just being- I would be proud of any band I was in with my friends. I’m just happy we’re doing it, you know? It’s going to be good to me no matter if it sounds like shit or not. I’m not worried- but I am- but I’m not (laughter). …but I am. I don’t get worried, I don’t get worried anymore and I don’t get sad. I used to be really emotionally erratic and then I realized a few months ago that usually when that happens I’m just hungry (laughter). So, I just need to eat a lot and then I don’t get depressed, ever.

HB: Do you think part of the reason you tend to bury your vocals in the mix is the extremely personal nature of the lyrics?

MG: No, not at all. Ever since I was a little kid I’ve constantly gotten in trouble for talking too much and for not ever saying the thing that I’m supposed to say. Oh, hold on, you’re not going to believe this… (pauses to take a brief call from her father, checking up on a license plate registration issue). So, okay, you asked about personal. It’s funny that we were talking about that and my dad just called. Ever since I was a kid, like I said, I’ve gotten in trouble for being a loud-mouthed bitch and being willing- not willing to say the thing’s that no one else wants to say, because that makes me sound like I’m a rebel and it’s conscious- it’s more like shit just comes out of my mouth and I have no filter because I’m usually so over-excited. If I didn’t know better I’d think I had ADD and I don’t because I’m actually capable of this incredible clarity of mind and focus when it comes down to like- I could work really, really well in a factory on an assembly line because if you ask me to put my mind to one task that’s like sorting out the blue M&M’s from the red M&M’s, I will do it for 18 fucking hours. I will not sleep. Like sewing, that’s why I’m such a good seamstress is because you rip a foot of sequins off a dress and I sit there and I just do it for hours. I’m capable of this incredible focus- but most of the time, especially when I’m talking to people, shit just comes out of my mouth. I have no idea, no idea what I’m saying.

So, I’ve been doing these interviews lately because the band has been getting bigger and, of course, just because people are paying attention to my band doesn’t mean that I’m any different than I was three months ago. So, people will ask me shit, they’ll ask me pretty open-ended questions about “What’s the scene like in Syracuse?” and I’ll be like “FUCK EVERYBODY! THEY’RE ALL BALL SACKS! Fuck this guy, fuck that guy, fuck you, this guy sucks, fuck him, she’s a cunt, fuck YOU.” and I probably shouldn’t be saying shit like that anymore but at the same time I’m no different than I was.

So, when I get up on stage and I’m singing about personal stuff and really, what it amounts to, is a big flowery dance around “fuck that guy”, I don’t care. What are you gonna do, punch me? I will say whatever I want.So, now I’m having this problem in interviews where I will say “fuck you, you’re a cunt- that guy, this guy” and my dad called me (laughter). He was like, “Yo, can you do me a favor?” and my dad’s an old punk, he’s the smartest guy you’ll ever meet in your life, so there’s nothing in the world that I can say that will actually piss my dad off but he read my Pitchfork interview and he’s like “just to save me from your mother, can you not say ‘blowjob’ in an interview ever again?” I thought about it for a minute, then I’m like, “Dad, I am a grown-ass man and if I want to say blowjob in an interview, I’m going to say blowjob. I’m sorry, I’m gonna say a lot of nice things too, I’m gonna say some mean things, and maybe I’m gonna say some rude words, but this is what I’m doing right now so you just don’t read them, okay?” He was just like “Oh my God, blowjob, who says that?” So, no, I don’t have any interest in burying my voice because of what I’m saying. I am perfectly willing to say whatever. I’m not very easily embarrassed and I don’t get stage fright… ever. Any sort of nervousness I have is a deep inner personal nervousness, it doesn’t have to do with performing and it doesn’t have to do with what I’m saying and if I write it, then I must be okay with saying it. It’s actually like the quality of my voice, like, the sound of my own voice drives me nuts. Have you ever listened to your own voicemail on your fucking cell phone? It’s the same thing! If you played me this video back after you recorded it, I’d be like “Oh my God, I have to turn this off.” I can’t stand the sound of my own voice. I think most people are like that, you know? It’s like how you don’t like seeing pictures of yourself. To a point you just have to get over it.

HB: So it’s easier for you to draw from personal experience for your lyrics rather than just creating something?

MG: Yeah, with Shoppers I was a little more creative and a lot of what I wrote was more scene-based. I think a lot in terms of films because I’ve always really been into movies and shit, so I think about setting a scene and what the characters are doing and how they’d interact and I used to be able to use that to tell a message but with this band it’s really mantra-based and it’s really personal and it’s very derivative from my personal experience because I want to sing about politics. I want to keep being a politically-minded person and I want to engage with my sense of personal politics in what I’m doing creatively, especially if people are actually paying attention, and give voice to some ideas people may not have considered previously- but this band? I try to refuse to speak to other people’s personal experiences, so, yeah, it is kind of me singing about everyone I think is a dick.

That’s kind of what it is- or stuff I think is a dick also falls under that umbrella, like, stuff that sucks and is dumb, yeah. And happy things, sometimes I sing about nice things so there’s a couple songs on the new record that are about nice things.There’s a song that’s about fucking and I hadn’t done that yet.There’s a song about my ex-boyfriend, who I really like. I have this ex-boyfriend who I recently, recently broke up with just a few months ago and I have never had a good relationship in my life. I’ve dated a lot of extremely shitty people and I’ve been extremely shitty to a lot of people. I was a fucking bad boyfriend for a long time. I was shitty. I cheated on people. I would cheat on everyone I was ever with and I was a fucking liar and I was just insane for a really long time.

I almost didn’t trust myself to have normal relationships because people had been shitty to me for so long. So, this is the first relationship where I was just like “Oh my God, I’ve gotta man up and be cool and then maybe I’ll learn something” and I had this really intense relationship with this really cool guy for like a year and by the time we broke up we were both pretty bummed out about the way things were going but we felt so strongly about each other that we almost stayed together and we broke up for a good few months. We just started talking again, like, trying to hang out as friends so it’s a weird situation, but I wrote this song and it’s gonna be on the record, about- well, it’s basically just a really nice break-up song. Kind of like, “thank you for breaking up with me”, you know, “thank you for breaking up with me when I started to be shitty instead of waiting until things started getting really bad and awful like other shitty relationships”, you know? It’s a really grateful song. So, some things are good… sometimes things are good.Then there’s a song about not judging people for the ways that they want to have sex, that’s cool. That’s a cool song that we’re working on. Then there is a song about stuff that sucks that’s already done, for the record. There’s a song about why dating really sucks and how if you’re kind of weird, if you’re not- how do you put this without sounding like an asshole? It’s the idea that if you’re weird or you’re kind of crazy and you bounce off the walls and you don’t really care what people think of you and you’re willing to live in a way that kind of goes against the grain of what people want you to do, that you will be a target for certain types of people whose lives were very boring and are just like “Oh, you beautiful incredible flower, please fix my boring life!” and how people will fall in love with you after like a week. They’ll just be like “you changed my life, why don’t you wanna fuck me?!” You just have to be like “Because I’m… busy! Clipping my toenails! In the other room! Gotta go!” I’m a really unstable person, like, I’m happier right now than I’ve ever been but I am extremely unstable and I have only been good for a year and a half and I don’t know how long it’s gonna hold. I’m constantly waiting for the next thing to happen that’s going to send me spiraling back into bed.

Every day of my life is this constant push against the big bullshit sadness. So, when people come to me and they’re like, “you’re wonderful!” It’s like “No! No, I suck!” and fundamentally I’m extremely depressed and a really not nice person and I fuck with people and I’m mean. I yelled at my managed at work last night and I called her a ball sack and I told her that she was a joke… I don’t want to be that person anymore because sometimes I can be a total bitch and when people fall in love with you and try to tell you you’re so great and you’re this, and you’re that, and you’re that flower, it’s like “No man, you’ve never seen me without makeup on and I just called someone a ball sack! You don’t even know!” So I wrote a song about that, about how lame it is that over the course of my life so many people have vilified me for not wanting to fuck them when they feel like they’ve been so generous by falling in love with me after knowing them for four days. I’ve always had that frustration, that I can’t date normal people because the only people that are attracted to me are those people.

So, finally, after 27 years, wrote a song about that. It’s only been happening to me since I was fucking 12 and now comes this outpouring of feelings.So I think it’s a ratio, I think it’s a ratio of personal stuff that’s good and personal stuff that sucks. I’m never going to run out of stuff to talk about because people are always going to be crazy and, more important, I’m always going to be crazy. So, I’m never going to run out of stuff. Never… never.

HB: It seems like a mutually beneficial symbiotic relationship.

MG: Yeah, I’m like a leech. I’m like a leech on a dog’s back. Everyone is the dog. I’m just there.

HB: Do you have any sort of timetable for the upcoming LP? Have you received any interest from labels for its release?

MG: We’re talking to a few labels, which is really weird and I’m not really so sure how I feel about it- but the record’s gonna be recorded in just a couple weeks. Then, I guess if we don’t wanna go through a label, we can just give it to whoever the fuck we want in whatever format we want. I mean, we have friends that will go in on the record. We had this plan to put this record out as a collective entity. We’re like, you know, if the label’s interested in putting out the record, they can put in money. They can say “Okay, we believe in this record for- ten dollars!” and we’re like “thank you for your ten dollars, for your ten dollar gift you can be ten dollars worth of this record” and then we put in whatever we have and our friends who have labels. We’d basically be putting it out ourselves, not under a label, and if you gave us money towards the record, it bought you a certain percentage of the record to turn on your own and you can say “I helped release this.” If you owned a record store and you wanted to put in however much money, you get a certain amount of copies. You just basically bought the record in advance and what you get is copies of it if you somehow believe in it and what to distribute it or whatever. That seemed like the most logical thing to do and then… the maelstrom began.

We started to get coverage and labels started offering us money and that money- Okay, so there’s a ten year age gap in the band and I am smack-ass in the middle. There’s two people who are older than me and two people younger than me and they’re about five years older and five years younger on either end, so I’m the middle. I’m Malcom in the fucking middle here. So, most of us on the older end have been doing this for a minimum of ten years and we’ve been doing it like it’s our fucking life. Then us on the younger end- I’m definitely in both groups, I feel myself bouncing back and forth all the time- the younger kids still have a lot of energy and they’re still new enough to it that they just kinda wanna go, go, go all the time. The happy medium for us is that the labels that are interested- It’s not fucking Island Def Jam, I’m not gonna do an album with Timbaland anytime soon- the money is not Pimp My Crib money, it’s not that. It’s money that will help us fix our van and it’s money that means that we can put out 2,000 of this record instead of 500. It’s money that will let us do things on a scale that’s just big enough that we can take our younger members and whisk them off to see California, which is our plan, and we can take our older members and say “Okay, you’ve been working your ass off for fifteen years and this money means we can go on tour for the next six months.”

If you’re in your late twenties to early thirties and you’re still playing hardcore and you’re playing it with any sort of devotion, the likelihood is that you work a minimum wage job that is below your level of intellect because those are the only jobs that A) you can eventually quit and find another one if you have to and B) will afford you the time off, because a lot of people in those situations are creative and crazy.Every single person in our band works for a local small business in our hometown of Syracuse. Three of us work within eye-line of each other. My store is directly across the street from the restaurant where Ray works and directly across the street from the restaurant where Greg works.

At any point during the day, the three of us can walk to the sidewalk and yell to each other from across the street. We see each other- our community is this big- and we see each other all day, every day. Our bosses can call each other and be like “Hey, how do you feel about the fact that they’re going on tour?” It is so weird and so small. So, for us to actually have labels approaching us, it’s an honor because for Greg and for Shaun and I- Shaun is a little different because he’s a professional tour manager and sound guy, so he actually tours most of the year. Which is why so many people think we’re a four piece. It’s because Shaun’s never around, he’s always on tour with these other bands that he’s working with but he also records our records. He actually recorded the last Shoppers 7″. He’s recorded most of Greg’s bands. I believed he recorded the Sswampzz tape, which was Ray and Garrett’s band prior to this one. He’s a little different because he tours year round but for Greg and I, who have been doing this for upwards of ten years, for us it’s like “Oh my God, if people care about this band enough to give us money, it means that we can, for the first time ever, actually be in a band.” It’s amazing. It’s amazing the idea that I can just- okay, so I love my job but I hate it right now, like, I’m just exhausted and some of the people I work with are just really mean to me, so for me, it’s like I really, really, really just need a break from my job because I work so much. This band is going to be a fucking vacation. It’s going to be like going to DisneyWorld for me.

So, if someone wants to give us a little bit of money to help us put out more records and go on tour so we can actually do what we like, then yeah. At the same time, it’s this big stupid game and it’s really not fun to deal with the industry stuff and it’s not fun to have to think about press releases or working with people who are all industry-minded and shit. It’s a very new world for me. It’s a constant battle. I never know what’s right. I’m kind of just going with my gut. It’s a weird feeling. It’s a very weird feeling.

HB: Does all of this attention meant that Sswampzz is done?

MG: One of the guys in Sswampzz lives in Brooklyn now. We sleep in his apartment when we’re in New York. He’s awesome. If you look at the Pitchfork video– Pitchfork put up a really awful video of us. It’s a cool video, it looks beautiful, but we sound like shit. In that shitty shitty video, you can see him in the crowd. He looks like a supermodel. He has long black hair, his name is Ricky. He’s the other guy in Sswampzz. I don’t think they’re done because that band could never really be done. Ray, Ricky, and Garrett are all best friends, so there’s no point to having that band be done or gone. Once in a while I know they still play. I think for now- because I’m taking Garrett and Ray and I’m taking them to California for Christmas, come hell or high water- yeah, they’re done for now- but I want Ricky to come to Syracuse and play some shows because when Sswampzz were around, they were the most interesting band in Syracuse. Nobody gave a shit about them because they weren’t part of that dominant hardcore scene that I was talking about, they were from the fringes of the college community so nobody gave a shit about them and they were fucking awesome. They put out a tape called “Sleeper” and it’s fucking good. It is really good.

HB: On their bandcamp page, the tapes for “Sleeper” are almost sold out…

MG: That’s another thing we want to do when we get our shit together as a band is start putting out music. Just in our group of the people that do Pussy, we have people that do print-making, we have people that do graphic designing, we have recording engineers, we have people who have put out records for years. So, if we have our friends bands and we wanted to start releasing their music, that’s something we could realistically do. One thing I would be interested in doing is putting out the Sswampzz tape on a 7″ or something like that because I think that’s a band that’s definitely worth hearing and I’m hoping that if we even get a tiny little bit of press, that people will find Sswampzz through us because that tape kicks ass. It kicks much ass.

HB: What are the current tour plans?

MG: We’re touring all of December, we’re gonna be gone. We’re actually finishing editing a music video right now. We had friends who were like “We wanna make a music video!” We were like “That’s so weird, let’s do it, whatever.” So, we made this music video a few weeks ago and a very good new friend of mine- I have this new friend, who’s amazing, he’s so rad, he lives in New York- he’s editing it right now. It’s been complicated. It’s been weird because I’m super picky and I’m kind of being a bitch but, you know, we just want what we want. Why would you ever put something out into the world that you weren’t satisfied with, you know? So, we’re finishing the editing process and we’re going to put that online with the finalized tour dates and maybe an announcement about the label that we might be working with. If everything comes to pass, then all three of those things will be coming out at the same time- but we’re finalizing the tour dates today, that, at least, will be available soon.

Then, hopefully, if that tour goes well, which it will. Definitely will! Then when we get back in January, we’ll be going to the Midwest because we’re not really hitting the Midwest the first go, we’re gonna go South and then through Texas then up through Southern California and then back down the other way. I don’t know if you know anything about Syracuse but it is BALLS cold. It’s already, like, fucking negative 19 out there. So, I want to go to Texas! I want to go to California! I don’t want to be here so we are leaving. Then we’ll do the Midwest in January after the maelstrom of snow hits up here and then in the spring the plan is to maybe go overseas, which is already being talked about, so, I’m really excited because that’s cool.

HB: While I have you here are there are any other bands you’ve been really into lately and want to mention?

MG: I have a lot of other bands that I really like and if you’re going to let me name drop a lot of bands that I like then this is really cool. Greg, our bass player, who is also my best friend, is in a band called SoreXcuse and they are awesome. Jess, the singer of that band, is a bad bitch, she is so cool. So, I think SoreXcuse is another really cool band and they’re nothing like us, they’re super grindcore, super violent power violence. They are rad and they are really great and that’s really important. Then Greg is doing, and I promise I’m not going to just talk about bands that we’re doing, but Greg is doing a rock n’ roll band called (laughing) Beer Headquarters, which is a really long story. There’s this store over by Greg’s house that has a big sign out front that says “You’re Beer Headquarters”, with the o-u-apostrophe-r-e spelling, so it’s “you’re beer headquarters!” “No, you’re beer headquarters!” So he started this band called Beer Headquarters and Greg doesn’t drink, is the thing, so he’s got this empty beer and he’s Motley Crue-ing and grabbing his crotch and being disgusting (still laughing). So, that’s a new band with a couple friends of ours. I’m crying, I’m laughing so hard, I haven’t heard them yet but watch out for Beer Headquarters in 2014.

I’m actually doing another band. I have a couple of bands that I’m working on. One, if it comes to pass, and I don’t want it to be a thing because it’s not even a thing yet- but I think I’m doing another band with Kerry, who played bass in Shoppers. I think she’s moving back to Syracuse from Brooklyn and I think we’re gonna do a shoegaze band, so I’m really excited about that. Then, my little brother is a musician, I have a younger brother who is a shut-in, he never leaves his house because of a host of different conditions. He’s the smartest, coolest guy you will ever meet in your entire life and we are thinking about doing a pop record together. He makes beats, he DJ’s in his room. So, I think I’m going to let him make some beats for me and then we’re going to make some pop music because he can sing. So, that might be really fun.

Other bands that I really like right now- and I can kind of guess how you’re going to feel about this- but I think Tenement is the best band that has ever existed. I am obsessed with Tenement. I have said this to a million people. I think they are the best band ever. I know both of their big records by heart. Shoppers has played with them, now Pussy has played with them once, and every time I see them, I know I completely overwhelm them by trying to engulf them with hugs and praise. I’m pretty sure everyone in that band thinks I’m insane and doesn’t want me anywhere around them but I think they are the coolest band in America. I love Tenement. I really love Merchandise. Merchandise is an amazing band and very nice people as well, but mostly an amazing band. I like Big Eyes and I didn’t for a long time. When I heard them for the first time I thought they were piss-ass obnoxious and it really took that Back from the Moon 7″– and I heard that- it blew my mind. I was just, totally into it. I just got a copy of their record, their full-length from a couple years ago and I think it’s great, I think it’s great. I’m really into Big Eyes right now.

My problem is, I listen to a lot of very old music. Most of the music I listen to was made a very long time ago so I don’t really have reference points. So, in terms of what I’m listening to right now, I’m really listening to a lot of Sugarcubes. I really like Sugarcubes, which is that band that Bjork was in, in the early 80’s and I really like them. I really like, this is another current band that I can talk about, I love Joanna Gruesome. Have you heard Joanna Gruesome? They are fucking awesome, we played shows with them at CMJ and (gets excited, gasps) It’s on the books, I can say this now, I forgot! We are doing a split 7″ with Joanna Gruesome. Yes. We Are. I’m really excited about it because, you should’ve seen it, we were all in the same room and we were just like (gives a quizzical glance and point gesture). You have to admit, I mean, I wish I was as pretty as she was but we look a lot alike. We have short black hair and nose rings and we are the same height and we dress the same and we’re in the same room. So, it’s us and four boys and we’re just like (mimes hair, mimes nose ring, laughs), like, it’s weird! And we sound nothing alike, which is the best part but you can see how it gets a little funny at times. So, I love that band and I think when they come to the US next summer, we’re going to try to book a tour for them and do some shows. I think when we go to the UK next year, which is one of the places we’re planning on going, that we are going to do shows with them there. Hopefully. Hopefully, if they like us. For right now, it is like meeting a girl on the internet. It’s like “Yeah, we’ll definitely meet someday..” then, I don’t know. We are doing a split. I will say that much. I’ll say that because I want it to happen so bad. So, I really love Joanna Gruesome. I give so much of a fuck about Joanna Gruesome.

What else do I like right now? Actually, after our first show of CMJ at The Flat, which we played with Tweens, who is another band worth mentioning, talking about. Like I said, I’m really into pop stuff right now which isn’t usually how I am. Tweens is bitchin’ and LODRO, from Brooklyn, LODRO is very good. The lead singer of LODRO, Leslie, is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my entire life and I talked to her outside a show. I was sober and it seemed like she may have had a couple beers and she was just complaining stuff, like expounding, and she is SO smart and the whole time I was just staring at her, I felt really stupid. The whole time I was just like “Oh my God, there’s a girl talking to me, g’duh.” After our first show of CMJ, which we played with Tweens and LODRO- and Total Slacker, who are amazing, also. Total Slacker’s really fucking good and Tassy’s such a nice guy. He’s fucking cool. He’s loaned me a lot of equipment when mine’s been broken. He is a nice fucking guy.

We played an afterparty, we didn’t play an afterparty we went to DJ an afterparty- so I’m very small town. I’m from a little city and I’ve lived on farms when I was in college and shit- so the Brooklyn thing, it’s not for me, it’s very not me- but I know what I think Brooklyn is. So, to be taken to a warehouse where there’s a lot of people doing hard drugs and DJ’s and shit and there’s a secret party, that’s what I imagine Brooklyn to be like. So it was surreal to actually go to that place that I’d never been to and there was a rapper who performed at this party who goes by Weekend Money. Weekend Money. He just did a single with that guy, Heems, who used to be in Das Racist, called “Yellow”. He didn’t premiere the song at that party, they’d been doing it for a while, but he was talking about how the video was just about to come out and now there’s a video on YouTube. It’s really fun. He’s extremely attractive, he’s a ridiculously good-looking man. He just got up on a chair, at this party, so he was just slightly above the crowd and he had his DJ playing behind him and he just went for 20-25 minutes. Everyone at the party was on drugs and they were dancing and shit and I think I’d had two beers and I was standing there, in awe, the entire time. It was so fucking cool. So, Weekend Money, he is from Brooklyn too, he is so great and a fucking babe. He’s a fucking super babe. Will that make it into print? Maybe he will let me look at him from a distance again sometime. Because… he hot. He’s hot. I’m like a big pervert but he’s hot, he’s really hot, so… I’m mostly concerned about how many people in a band I like are attractive. You have to be really cute- but the secret is that I think literally everyone is cute, so, I have a crush on everyone. Most people are cute.

Other bands I like? I could talk forever and ever. Permanent Ruin is great. Jail Solidarity is great, from DC. Sarongs was really great, they’re not really doing so much anymore. Sarongs was a band from Syracuse that, again, no one gave a fuck about and then someone in Greece just re-released their tape. I don’t even have a copy yet but Lindsey, who is one of the greatest people on the planet, writes for Vice now. She did a big interview with us that hasn’t gone up to print yet but she was the only person so far that’s gotten me to talk about extremely vulnerable and personal stuff. Having a friend that is on that level with me, who can talk about politics in the same way that I can because we have a similar frame of mind, and sing in this amazing band? So, there’s gonna be a reissue of the Sarongs tape on a label from Greece and that is very cool. That is very, very cool.

I like a lot of bands. Warthog is good! I like Warthog. Warthog is really good, I’m going to go see them tomorrow. Warthog is good, they’re very tough. They’re a tough band. They are tough guys, mean guys. I could go on literally forever. All I ever think about is bands and music and music and bands and bands and music. You would seriously have to get me talking about food in order to derail me from that because I fucking love food. I will talk about food, I will talk about cats, I will talk about people I have a crush on, I will talk about Magic: The Gathering, I will talk about paintings and outfits and those are all the things I like. Those are things I can talk about- but mostly bands. A lot of those bands I was introduced to when Shoppers were touring. Of course, it’s one thing to be like “I know people in this and this and this band and therefore I am cool.” In this case, it’s more like “I got to meet this person and they’re in the best band ever and I just really like them!”

So, functionally speaking- and I say this all the time and people really don’t believe me- just because I talk a lot, just because… I’m whatever- people don’t get that I’m actually really, really, really shy. I can talk forever about bands, about paintings, about food, about whatever, stuff I feel like people already know about myself? I can talk forever. When it comes down to my real feelings and how I am as a person, I am extremely shy. So, when it comes down to meeting people that I really admire or meeting people that make art that I really art and I really respect, I’m paralyzed. Paralyzed with fear, constantly. Paralyzed. Talking to people one-on-one? Scariest thing in the world to me. I can get on stage in front of 500 people and grab my crotch and scream until I puke and I literally don’t think. It doesn’t matter to me. It doesn’t affect me. I just do what I do and then I get offstage. If I was good at welding, I wouldn’t get nervous about welding. I don’t get nervous when I’m sewing. I don’t get nervous when I’m on the phone at work- so why would I get nervous on stage in front of 500 people? It’s just another thing I do. That doesn’t freak me out at all. Like in interviews, if people want to ask me a question, I’d be happy to answer your question. If anybody wants to talk to me, that’s a really nice thing. If somebody cares enough about that, of course I’ll sit here and talk to you for… 50 minutes and three seconds. That’s not hard for me, I can talk, I can talk just fine. Talking is one thing. Conversation? Getting to know someone? Developing a sense of intimacy? That’s totally different. That, to me, is balls terrifying.

So, when people are in good bands, I’m just like “l’guh, I can’t make sense of you, sorry.” It’s scary. It’s super scary. Oh well. You can’t be scared forever, eventually you have to start making friends or else you’re going to be bored. I just try to be friendly. I’m only one way. I’m only this way and I know there’s a good percentage of people that really like me and a lot of people that really think I suck. I’m just going to continue being who I am and trying my hardest to relate to people. I try to be a good friend and to be honest all the time and that’s what I’m gonna do and hopefully it works for me. That’s the best you can do, you know? That is the best you can do.

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Tag: Hardcore